20 Comments

This isn’t really a logical feeling but I went to Catholic schools for a few years growing up and the archdiocese (Boston) was absolutely wrecked by the sex abuse scandal. Most of the victims were altar boys and almost all served at a time when it was boys only. Girls are much more likely to report sex abuse (either witnessing or experiencing it). Never say never but I would be extremely hesitant to have my son serve as an altar boy where leadership insisted on boys only.

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You're not wrong! When leadership insists on boys-only, it is now a cultural decision, not a Church teaching one. (as of Jan 2021)

This should REALLY make us pause. Are they trying to remain unaccountable? Are they fooling themselves into thinking their motives are one thing, when in fact they are quite another? "The heart is deceitful above all else," says Scripture. Even the priests or bishops might not understand their own motives.

Being hesitant about being open to girls could very well be deeply rooted in suspicion towards girls and women--and maybe especially because sometimes girls and women have clarity where men might obfuscate.

On another note, I attended a parish for awhile where the priest wanted to "spare" the boys who would be uncomfortable with girls around. He felt it was so important to carve out a space for boys to be boys, in case any of them were on the pathway to priesthood. What this kind of message to young boys might imply is quite obvious. To want that message to take root PRECISELY in boys headed for the priesthood is a really disturbing desire.

Generally, though, to manufacture sex segregation that isn't Church-mandated in order to "protect" boys is a *very* contrary message to the spirit of this motu proprio.

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Emily -

I love your newsletters and I learn so much because you break it down for me. Thank you!!

I have 2 tattoos. 2 that remind me of my family and, particularly, of God. I have an issue with metals on my skin, so I chose to tattoo my consecration to Mary on my wrist rather than wear a chain. The other tattoo was before and is very symbolic of my life’s journey. I designed them both myself. I don’t regret them. I prayed long and hard about whether to have tattoos (even though I always wanted one when I was kid #rebellious). But I really agree that some tattoos are very rashly made decisions. Just stating a point I did not see in your newsletter. 🙂

As for altar serving - thank you for your opinions. I did serve as a girl when I was 12/13; it was something I could do since I wasn’t allowed to be in choir yet (my dad was the director). Learning more about the intent of altar serving, I definitely desire that only boys be allowed to serve. I have noticed more attention from the boys when only boys are serving and not with girls (of any age).

I know sharing your thoughts on these topics was a big leap. Thank you.

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I want to thank you for being so clear concerning your personal feelings about both of these topics. I always appreciate your clarity, honesty, and vulnerability!

I am also not a fan of tattoos mostly because I think they are often a fashion statement especially on women. Eventually we no longer want the haircut or color we loved or the shoulder pads and skinny jeans we wore a million times. Those we can change or donate or throw away, but tattoos are permanent. But just as you stated, this is my personal opinion.

As you know from our pilgrimage to Italy, I am a lector. Without being proud, I can still say that I am good at it. I do think the Holy Spirit speaks through me when I lector, yet I would not be upset in any way if the church or my bishop or my pastor said that he no longer desired women as lectors. I don't do it because it makes me important or powerful or special, but I can absolutely see how some people could abuse any ministry for their own gain. I hold this ministry loosely as it is not mine to keep, so I'd be more than willing to sit and receive.

As you suggested, possibly many of us ladies who serve the church in these ways may have real fear that if we didn't serve nobody would, that men would not step up, or worse they would use it as a power play. In addition, we women might also be uncomfortable with being served. Receptivity can be as hard for us as it was for Peter when the Lord wanted to wash his feet. Receiving requires trust in the one who serves and their intention. We live in a very untrustworthy world. Many of us have been let down or disappointed by those who were supposed to serve us, hence the disposition to do it ourselves.

Thanks for answering these questions, and as always I thoroughly enjoyed this column. I feel like I get to watch your brain and heart work in real time, as if I were sitting with you and talking over a cup of coffee. God bless you and your family!

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Emily I LOVED this. I always felt this growing up in a beautiful liturgy (St Mary’s in Greenville ☺️)… as a girl I loved BEING served in Mass instead of serving for once. There’s a power and joy in embracing this ontology. It is NOT lesser. There is such a privilege in it. Similar to how I can feel new life stirring within me, and be deeply connected and united with my babies in a way my husband can’t, despite loving them as deeply. Similar to how I can uniquely experience the love of Christ as a lover and a wooer in my womanhood, whereas my husband (though equally loved by God) cannot. Our sexual difference is so cool and permeates everything. Anyway I was going to cancel my subscription next month because I’m trying to cut back on all expenses - and when you write like this I absolutely have to stay!! ❤️

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Well, landmine Friday indeed.

On the altar girls subject: I do not read the motu proprio the way you do. While many others besides Emily have commented that it is not a requirement, I do not see where they get that from. The text is quite clear that now, by papal decree, one cannot exclude girls and women from lectorship or altar service. That's the new, first time guidance. That bishops have yet to implement it is one matter. But that they would continue to (or now turn and decide, for the first time, to) explicitly reserve it to men is the very heart of the motu proprio, when read in its plain meaning. It is no longer permissible to exclude women and girls from these positions.

Often, when it is being restricted, it is from a place of direct disagreement with the Pope's guidance. Even one that at times verges into defiance. I cannot understand what any bishop or cleric would "lose" by obeying a Pope. God would never *not* bless obedience.

But the alternative...seems spiritually risky, at a minimum. The result--that it would sow confusion among the faithful--seems very obvious. It is not about becoming a person who relinquishes critical thinking (I have heard that accusation) but about being open to an invitation to step out into a new path. A permission to enter into something new, which our Pope believes has been divinely inspired.

Second: the text of the motu proprio provides a rationale that is ignored in this article. It is clearly articulated that the Church will BENEFIT if girls and women are included. I read that to mean, we will be blessed and enriched. We do not know how and that does NOT mean it will: 1) make sense immediately, or 2) be comfortable.

Again, the alternative is clear: to exclude girls and women in order to claim some "benefit" is decidedly not the direction of the Church right now.

Finally: as to altar service as a "pathway to the priesthood." That is very clearly addressed within the motu proprio. Those who bring up that argument might consult the text and see what the Holy Father has to say about it, because it's really good stuff.

In summary: I feel that the Holy Father is leading us down paths that feel new, uncomfortable and maybe unnerving. So what else is new? That's what this is all about! This life of faith is wild, and full of grace and hope, and plenty of surprises. His ways are not our ways. For our part, our disposition is to keep our hands wide open to receive. And I see this motu proprio--like so many other aspects of this papacy--as an invitation to do just that. God's blessing is assured, so let's go for it!

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The text of this motu proprio is so short and, in my reading, contains little commentary on the benefits of including women and girls or the pope’s thoughts on a “pathway to the priesthood.” Can you fill in the blanks on where you’re gleaning those insights? Not contradicting, just curious.

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Oh yes, you're right. It is in the accompanying letter the Holy Father wrote to Ladaria, and not in the motu proprio itself, my mistake!

https://press.vatican.va/content/salastampa/en/bollettino/pubblico/2021/01/11/210112b.html

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Emily, this is the best explanation I’ve read of reserving serving at the altar for boys. I wasn’t interested in being an altar server when I was younger but would definitely have been fine with my daughters wanting to do it — and I’m still fine with girls in general wanting to serve — but my husband feels pretty strongly that it should be reserved for boys and he would not want our daughters to serve in that way. His objections have seemed to me to be at a more shallow level than what you’ve explained here, but I think he would agree with your reasoning as well. Thank you for this deep and thoughtful reflection.

I think I also see where you’re coming from in your thoughts on tattoos, although I think I disagree with you there a bit. I think when someone becomes like a billboard of tattoos, with their favorite names, dates, images, etc, that shows some of the impatience of being known that you describe. What about tattoos in a place fewer people see? I got a tattoo last year of “everything is grace” on my foot. Sometimes people see it; a lot more people would see it in the summer than in the winter, if they were looking at my feet of course. I thought about getting it for a couple years before I went through with it; St. Therese was my confirmation saint, and one of the patron saints of my sister who died a few years ago, and St. Therese has played a significant role in my life ever since. More than anything else, it’s a reminder to me of the attitude I want to have towards everything I receive from God, but which I have forgotten so often that I wanted the daily visual reminder. I say all this just to provide a window into other reasons why someone might get a tattoo or what it might reveal about them aside or instead of the impatience to be known that you identify, Emily. And apart from that, it seems like tattoos are much more acceptable in some parts of the country than in others; when I lived near DC, where so many people work for the government in some way, I didn’t see many people with easily visible tattoos; now that I live in the Midwest, I see lots of people with lots of tattoos all around me.

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Have you seen Dame Maggie Smith in Tea for Mussolini? Must see movie!

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Really love and appreciate this essay, Emily. The bit on our gender roles and how this relates to the Mass is so beautiful. Thank you for taking the daring step by sharing your thoughts on these tough topics!

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I honestly did not consider myself confused or distracted, or upset about either of these topics before reading this and now I am. Sigh. Hoping other commenters will have more insight.

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Yes! I could never articulate my thoughts about girls serving at the altar, but you’ve done it perfectly here. I could not agree more. Symbols are important. The mass is import. I love the way the natural male and female dynamics fall together in my parish where there are only male servers and there are lots of them! Really excellent writing on both topics.

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Loved your thoughts on both topics! Thank you for sharing. My diocese has been open to altar girls as long as I’ve lived here, but I was blessed with 6 boys, so it’s all boys up there when the Kelseys serve mass!

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My short comment (because that’s all the time I have at the moment) is: well done, Emily. These are beautiful, thoughtful and thought-provoking answers to these sensitive questions! I am going to read them more closely when I have more time later.

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Thank you for the book recommendation. The Servants of the Plan of God, a community of consecrated women founded in Peru, has been an integral part of my spiritual formation since I was a teenager (I’m now in my mid30s, married and we have a daughter). The sisters have been there for me and my family during the ups and downs in life. Sadly,about 2 years ago, some sisters opened up that they left the community. I was informed about the spiritual abuse that took place especially at their formation house in Peru and it’s incredibly heartbreaking. So many sisters left but there are still some who stayed behind. Those left behind are trying so hard to rebuild their community. Please pray for their healing and the rebuilding of their community.

Links:

https://ourarchive.otago.ac.nz/esploro/outputs/journalArticle/Spiritual-Abuse-A-Case-Study-of/9926478471201891

https://cruxnow.com/church-in-the-americas/2021/11/peruvian-ex-nuns-report-abuses-of-power-conscience-inside-order/

https://siervasdelplandedios.org/?p=2201&lang=en

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Hi Emily! I've been percolating on this since you published it. Would you say the same logic follows for the choir/cantor? Are they serving in a way that you would think it better suited for men? And what about ushers and sacristans? Thoughts?

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I appreciate your clear thinking (and humility in clarifying that these are your opinions) on these matters!

I also wanted to thank you for the “How to Stay Married” book recommendation. My husband and I both read it since you suggested it (we had read his previous memoir and hadn’t heard about this book). It was really worth the read; we both flew through it. Definitely not your average marriage book and its value is the story more than any specific advice. I’m grateful for the suggestion!

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I loved allll of this! So well thought out.

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