About the inability to hold two seemingly conflicting things in balance, the “both/and”… I remember reading a discussion somewhere about the ability to do that as a sign of maturity. I would love to see that fleshed out somewhere. Especially in our judgment of others. The temptation to say “That person has x views, therefore I will defend all of their views/choices”, or “they believe y, therefore they are evil/wrong about everything.”
Yes, I have so many thoughts on this. The first one is, for all the Christian men that claim to be “alpha males”, do they really think that’s what Jesus modeled? Jesus wept in public. He let his enemies disgrace and scourge him and force him into a humiliating death without protest. He was as meek as a lamb.
Second of all, I find it interesting that a lot of these folks, male and female, who claim that a woman working outside of the home is a mortal (!!) sin will say, in all seriousness, that St. Pope John Paul II is just wrong. So JPII can be wrong, but you never are/your husband never is? Seems unlikely to me!
For real: for the first time in human history since the Fall, Christ revealed and restored the true glory of womanhood and its natural virtues and attributes. Women stayed with Him from beginning to end. It is women’s humility, faithfulness, and life of service that He pointed to for imitation by men. Leadership for men was a way for Him to require men to “step up.”
I am so glad you’re writing on this! I have felt blindsided by the rigid expectations of expression by both the “manosphere” and transgender activists — as if my son wanting to paint nails with his sister is indicative of anything except the nail polish happens to be in his favorite color.
Emily, I like how you frame masculinity or femininity as presenting on a “bell curve”…I’ve been musing recently and I think that really is part of an answer the Church has to give for those who struggle with believing they are a different gender, ‘trapped’ in a body- that when society has actually gone to extremes in some circles,as you talk about, that you may ONLY present this way and be fully masculine or feminine, in reality we used to accept a wider spectrum of expression for each gender- tomboy girls or female philosophers, chaste and fierce nuns; men who painted and sculpted and composed- and gave them room to live and marry or serve and conduct their lives within their individual characters.
Knowing this comes from living real lives along real people of all stripes, yes even just in the Church itself- no, folks, you don’t even have to fraternize with apostates to see this ;)- and accepting the bell curve. It also gives room to accept yourself in the body you have.
This is such an important topic. As a Gen x-er born in the late 60’s, it is so difficult for me to understand this ideology. When my husband and I married in 1995, I worked full time until our first child in 1999, then I worked very part time… I never felt less than an equal in our marriage partnership. We did have a distribution of household tasks - he was easily the main bread winner and I took care of our four kids- two with special needs. But around the home we worked together (I cooked, he would clean, etc.) Sadly, I see how the toxic ideology of the manosphere has infected younger generations as my millennial much younger sibling has showed signs of this years ago , and his marriage and family has fallen apart as a result. A “devout” Catholic.
I am intrigued by the comparison with Trans ideology, thank you.
It seems as if both ideologies do not reflect the beautiful diversity that each sex, and individual exhibits, regarding God-given talents and gifts.
Emily, have you written specifically about women and work outside the home? I feel like you have, but a couple searches of your substack didn't turn up what I thought I was looking for. Thank you so much for this series.
So scary, on point, please say a prayer for my sister… but why does a sociopathic manosphere alpha-“man” need to keep his wife from working out of the home?
Big bucks nouveau riche professional manosphere-man can be perfectly at home compelling his highly-educated professional wife to also work full time to bring home the bucks! 4 kids, 4 days…5 kids? Hey, we need to repay the loans! And don’t you want that beach house? 5 kids… 5 days! And hey, my parents are moving into our basement to provide child care! Don’t argue with me! You should appreciate them!
P.S. Emily, they were married by the dear elder priest who baptized your baby…
I tried to warn him against preaching too heavily on Ephesians 5 at the wedding because of the red flags already present… Father C did not understand at the time. I hope he understands this now.
About the inability to hold two seemingly conflicting things in balance, the “both/and”… I remember reading a discussion somewhere about the ability to do that as a sign of maturity. I would love to see that fleshed out somewhere. Especially in our judgment of others. The temptation to say “That person has x views, therefore I will defend all of their views/choices”, or “they believe y, therefore they are evil/wrong about everything.”
Emily. You have outdone yourself. This is where things are at right now. I love your talent for knowing what needs to be addressed when. Thank you!
Yes, I have so many thoughts on this. The first one is, for all the Christian men that claim to be “alpha males”, do they really think that’s what Jesus modeled? Jesus wept in public. He let his enemies disgrace and scourge him and force him into a humiliating death without protest. He was as meek as a lamb.
Second of all, I find it interesting that a lot of these folks, male and female, who claim that a woman working outside of the home is a mortal (!!) sin will say, in all seriousness, that St. Pope John Paul II is just wrong. So JPII can be wrong, but you never are/your husband never is? Seems unlikely to me!
For real: for the first time in human history since the Fall, Christ revealed and restored the true glory of womanhood and its natural virtues and attributes. Women stayed with Him from beginning to end. It is women’s humility, faithfulness, and life of service that He pointed to for imitation by men. Leadership for men was a way for Him to require men to “step up.”
I am so glad you’re writing on this! I have felt blindsided by the rigid expectations of expression by both the “manosphere” and transgender activists — as if my son wanting to paint nails with his sister is indicative of anything except the nail polish happens to be in his favorite color.
Such a needed conversation. So glad to have your sane voice clarifying these things, Emily!
Emily, I like how you frame masculinity or femininity as presenting on a “bell curve”…I’ve been musing recently and I think that really is part of an answer the Church has to give for those who struggle with believing they are a different gender, ‘trapped’ in a body- that when society has actually gone to extremes in some circles,as you talk about, that you may ONLY present this way and be fully masculine or feminine, in reality we used to accept a wider spectrum of expression for each gender- tomboy girls or female philosophers, chaste and fierce nuns; men who painted and sculpted and composed- and gave them room to live and marry or serve and conduct their lives within their individual characters.
Knowing this comes from living real lives along real people of all stripes, yes even just in the Church itself- no, folks, you don’t even have to fraternize with apostates to see this ;)- and accepting the bell curve. It also gives room to accept yourself in the body you have.
This is such an important topic. As a Gen x-er born in the late 60’s, it is so difficult for me to understand this ideology. When my husband and I married in 1995, I worked full time until our first child in 1999, then I worked very part time… I never felt less than an equal in our marriage partnership. We did have a distribution of household tasks - he was easily the main bread winner and I took care of our four kids- two with special needs. But around the home we worked together (I cooked, he would clean, etc.) Sadly, I see how the toxic ideology of the manosphere has infected younger generations as my millennial much younger sibling has showed signs of this years ago , and his marriage and family has fallen apart as a result. A “devout” Catholic.
I am intrigued by the comparison with Trans ideology, thank you.
It seems as if both ideologies do not reflect the beautiful diversity that each sex, and individual exhibits, regarding God-given talents and gifts.
Thank you for addressing this topic!
Typical manosphere here: stupid, simplistic, ideological, and reactionary:
Eric Sammons
“Marry young.
Have lots of kids.
Mom stay at home.
Dad provide for the family.
Go to Church.
Be involved in your parish/community.
The good life isn’t easy, but it is simple.”
Sammons forgot to add: Make sure you get your husband’s permission to go out of the house for a jog.
Wow I didn't realize this was going on. Thanks for writing about it, in the wonderful way you have with words.
Emily, have you written specifically about women and work outside the home? I feel like you have, but a couple searches of your substack didn't turn up what I thought I was looking for. Thank you so much for this series.
I talked about the question both in The Wholeness of Women and the two part Tending the Garden (linked at the bottom of this essay).
So scary, on point, please say a prayer for my sister… but why does a sociopathic manosphere alpha-“man” need to keep his wife from working out of the home?
Big bucks nouveau riche professional manosphere-man can be perfectly at home compelling his highly-educated professional wife to also work full time to bring home the bucks! 4 kids, 4 days…5 kids? Hey, we need to repay the loans! And don’t you want that beach house? 5 kids… 5 days! And hey, my parents are moving into our basement to provide child care! Don’t argue with me! You should appreciate them!
P.S. Emily, they were married by the dear elder priest who baptized your baby…
I tried to warn him against preaching too heavily on Ephesians 5 at the wedding because of the red flags already present… Father C did not understand at the time. I hope he understands this now.