The Heresies of the Manosphere: Part 2.5

On Harrison Butker and Very Online Catholic Women

(Photo: Benedictine College/YouTube)

Regular readers of this newsletter know I rarely comment on the news. It’s not what I do. But I am making an exception in this case, largely because this particular piece of news has convinced me to unlock my most recent essays on the Manosphere. See below for more. And please prayerfully consider upgrading your subscription if possible. Because it is paying subscribers (and only paying subscribers at this point) who keep these essays coming.

I am a very online Catholic woman. I wish I weren’t. I regularly wish I could throw my iPhone into the Ohio River and burn all my social media accounts (except for Substack … love Substack). But I’m a writer whose husband works for the Church and earns the same amount of money (adjusted for inflation) that he made 28 years ago when he first walked into a Catholic high school in a poor Pennsylvania coal mining town. Which means my family depends on my income, and I don’t have the luxury of getting offline.

Anyhow, as a very online faithful Catholic woman, I understand why so many other very online faithful Catholic women are upset about Harrison Butker’s recent commencement speech at Benedictine College. Someone who is blessedly less online (or online in different places) might hear it and think, “Gosh, it’s so good to hear someone honoring mothers and standing up for the Faith.” Because he did do those things and that is good. It’s good to honor mothers. It’s good to call people to boldly live and proclaim the Faith. It’s good to call people to root themselves in Tradition. And in a culture where we so rarely hear public figures say any of those things, this feels refreshing and wonderful.

But that’s not what many very online faithful Catholic women heard. They heard anti-Semitic dog whistles (“Congress just passed a bill where stating something as basic as the biblical teaching of who killed Jesus could land you in jail,”). They heard someone putting burdens on couples that the Church, with her approval of Natural Family Planning, does not ask them to carry. (“No matter how you spin it, there is nothing natural about Catholic birth control,”). They heard the validity of the Novus Ordo Mass questioned (“I attend the TLM because I believe, just as the God of the Old Testament was pretty particular in how he wanted to be worshipped, the same holds true for us today,”). And yes, they heard a man say that his wife’s “life began” when she became a wife and mother and that when a woman “leans into her vocation” she can have the amazing reward of making a man successful.

There are far more charitable ways to read everything Butker said. Maybe the remark about who killed Jesus wasn’t veiled anti-Semitism, but only a poorly worded defense of free speech. Maybe the remark which seemed to undermine Church teaching on Natural Family Planning was about actual birth control, the truly immoral kind. Maybe he didn’t mean to imply that the Extraordinary Form of the Mass is the only worship pleasing to God, but just a fuller and richer form of worship in certain ways. And maybe he simply meant to honor his wife and praise the vocation of motherhood, not imply that every woman who is not a full-time stay-at-home mom is listening to “outside noise” and failing to move “closer and closer to God’s will in their life.”

I don’t know Butker or his intentions. I think there are a lot of ways he could have worded his commencement address better. He also definitely could have left out some of the stranger opinions—like lay people shouldn’t be worrying about theology and priests should not be friends with their parishioners. I sincerely hope, for his sake, that the more charitable reading of his speech is the right one.

But, again, I get why so many women didn’t hear it that way. Because when you are either a very online faithful Catholic woman (or a single faithful Catholic woman navigating today’s dating scene), you are routinely running up against men who are indeed sending up anti-Semitic dog whistles, throwing shade at NFP, denying the validity of the Novus Ordo, and asserting that it’s wrong for women to seek employment of any kind, inside or outside the home. Asserting these kinds of opinions is the bread and butter of both Manosphere and TradWife influencers and those who follow them—both men and women—have embraced them as Gospel truth.

So, if some Catholic women seem a little trigger happy with the outrage gun, that’s why. It’s because they can’t log on to Facebook or Twitter without seeing some Trad guy talking about the Rothschilds and the “perfidious Jews” or go on a first date without a man telling her he’s only interested in a second date so long as she has no plans to ever work outside the home (God’s calling be damned). It’s also because these women can’t scroll Instagram without encountering a blonde 20-something with one child who claims it’s a mortal sin to use Natural Family Planning or without coming across a Catholic homemaking account making reels about how pixies cut are an offense against woman’s dignity.

In small doses, this kind of stuff can seem so silly and fringe. But in online Catholic circles, it is not coming in small doses anymore. There is a deep, unhealthy, and unCatholic reactionary spirit in many corners of the Internet today. And that deep, unhealthy, and unCatholic reactionary spirit is not staying online. It’s bleeding out into the real world, affecting men, women, relationships, and families. This is why I have spent the past month talking about the Manosphere—about what it is and why it’s problematic.

If you’re not really online or immersed in the Catholic dating scene (or the parent of someone who is), this spirit may not have touched you yet. But unless we help young men find a better understanding of what it means to be a man—a healthy, faithful, and richly Catholic understanding—that spirit will soon enough find its way into your world, making it as challenging for you to put a charitable spin on Harrison Butker’s words, as it is for many of the women (like me) who are being called “disappointing” (and worse) for our less than enthusiastic response to his speech.

The final essay in the Manosphere essay should be coming out Monday or Tuesday. The Word on Fire children’s story Bible went off Thursday morning, and I started on the next essay today. In it, I’ll explore the Church’s blueprint for authentic masculinity (and, to an extent femininity). I’ll also try to explore the question: What does the path forward look like?

For now, though, I’m unlocking my previous two essays on the Manosphere. If you are truly confused about why good, faithful, and yes, traditional Catholic women were upset by the Butker speech, perhaps this will give you more context for our concern.

Here is the first one: “The Heresies of the Manosphere, Part 1” (Print) (Audio)

And the second: “The Heresies of the Manosphere, Part 2 (Print) (Audio)

As always, comments on these essays are reserved for paying subscribers. I call it my mental health tax. Next week’s essay will stay behind a paywall. With Beautycounter’s closure, this Substack is literally what is allowing us to keep our home, so I have to keep some incentive for people to subscribe. Thank you to all of you who do already. And if you’re not a full subscriber yet and want to read what’s coming next, please click the little button below. My family (and our mortgage lender) will be very grateful.

More I’ve Written on Substack Related to This Topic

On Obedience and Freedom (Substack Essay)

Visitation Sessions: In Search of the Masculine Genius (Podcast)

Welcoming the Wholeness of Women: The Catholic Vision of Feminine Dignity (Substack Essay)

Tending the Garden, Part 1: Understanding God’s Vision for Marriage and Family (Substack Essay)

Tending the Garden, Part 2: Redeeming the Family (Substack Essay)

The Marital Debt, Mary, and the Feminine Genius (Substack Q&A)