As I read your letter I kept thinking God has been preparing you for this for many years. I am also glad you found a school your children love. That is such a balm to a mama’s heart. Blessings Chapman family.
This newsletter is the one that has touched me the most deeply. I found it a huge consolation, resonating with how our family has been trying to live and work together for so many years. Thank you for that, Emily. Thank you, too for the clarity of your writing as you aptly outline your very reasonable discernment process, while not sugar-coating the element of risk involved, and the need for trust in God's loving care. I appreciate your honesty in sharing that some stress and worry are involved, too. It is always part of the tremendous task of working for and caring for our families--a real sharing in the Cross of Christ. May your family flourish in this new exciting chapter. Count on our prayers for you, and for the wonderful work that you are doing to build up the Kingdom of God. Go team Stimpson Chapman! God truly bless you.
Thank you so much for being you. You are an affirmation for me and an inspiration for my daughter who is trying to navigate the craziness as a young, Catholic, wife and mother who still wants to keep a toe in the working world. God bless you!
PREEEEEEEAAAAAAAACH ESC! I am loving this most thorough and honest dissection of sorts on how you came to this decision. Rooting for you!!!!! And truthfully, rooting for all families to take a careful look at how they make a living and how it impacts their families.
What I think you have done so well here is illustrated many (if not all) of the important considerations people must consider when looking at their approach to work. I think too often work is approached in a more binary way- literally I must work, or I cannot work. Even this discussion of emasculation or “untraditional” is too binary. There are just so many considerations- including age, physical health, mental health, age of children, all things you have unpacked here, that need to be taken into account. The entire holistic picture needs to be examined.
Very excited for you, Chris, and the children. I don’t think I know of two people who so thoroughly review a situation and just know the best thing for them. This is awesome. I love Mark Twain’s Joan of Arc book. It’s an amazing read and I pray his students will love it, too. Granted, I was 50 or so when I read it, and she was my Confirmation saint, which might have made a difference. Praying for you all. The picture for cookbook cover is awesome, too. God bless.
I have a lot of discerning coming up with a looming empty nest. I’ve been the mom of a neurodiverse kid for the past 18 years and it was a full time job. What do you do when the things you would like to do (biggest dream? Helping communities of women explore the Church’s intellectual life in a deeper but accessible way) aren’t a cut and dry path? I’m assuming waiting for God to drop something in your lap isn’t the best. But when is waiting and praying not waiting for him to drop it in your lap?
And the comment about not being married to Matt Walsh just entered my top ten of things you’ve ever written, I laughed out loud.
Have you ever done one of the Endow studies Molly? What about leading one in your home or parish as a start? That would move you forward into a direction where something might drop in your lap!
My job sector has recently undergone a mandated shift “back to the office”. One of the more frustrating aspects of this shift is the underlying notion that working-in-the-home is not “work”. God forbid a parent is available and accessible for their family in case of need, especially in the absence of a “village” to care for them. Remote work also enables families to live in a location with a lower cost of living and therefore support more children. Does that make workers less productive? Perhaps. But I think the better question is whether the level of productivity we grew accustomed to negatively impacts the most important: the family business.
I love that you guys are reimagining how to BE as a family. So many people think that what is now common is normal: a man going into work for 8+ hours every day, his wife staying at home, their children in school. But really...our domestic arrangements can vary, and there are so many different ways for families to thrive.
My husband works for the Church, and it has reoriented our entire life. So many people can't even understand our life (my husband being gone weekends, working every holiday, BUT being there every most mornings and off during two week days). We homeschool so we can have time together as a family, because his non-traditional schedule would make him a mere shadow in our home. If I had my druthers, our children would go to school...but we discerned that wasn't a good idea.
Please let us know how we can support you more. I'm so happy you both are doing what is best for your family.
I love this picture of you & Chris! Also what you wrote about being older parents was so poignant. Our situation is different than yours but there are also some similarities. I’m 47, my husband is 57. We had our children starting when I was in my mid-20’s and he was in his mid-30’s. Our last two children were born when I was 40 and 46, and he was 50 and 56, respectively. Although mostly we just think of our family in terms of the “now”, there is that awareness that things will be quite different for the youngest two, especially the baby. I appreciate your writing on this topic because it can be lonely at times, realizing as the “old” parents, there will be less of us to offer these younger kids.
I appreciate this as well. I am turning 44 next week and my husband and I don't have kids but hopeful we may still have a chance. But the thoughts are creeping in about not wanting to be "old" parents. Really don't read much positive stuff anywhere about older parents, only hear the negative from people saying it's unfair to the kids.
We are sooooo grateful for our kids. We love being parents, and just accept the timing as God’s will. It would be lovely to have the energy of youth to give them, but it’s also wonderful to have the wisdom of age. There advantages and disadvantages to every age, but I trust that God knows what He is doing when He blesses older couples with children.
Oh I hope my comment didn’t sound like that. We LOVE these late in life babies. Their lives WILL be different than their older siblings but they are treasured and we are blessed by them.
No, I loved your comment! It gave me hope! =) I was excited to see your second was born when you were 46. I was like yes! I still have a chance! Lol. The negatives I see are always just insensitive comments from people who are not even in this situation. And I love that Emily added that God knows what He is doing when He blesses older couples with children. So so true. Just adds more beautiful hope to my bucket.
My mum was in her early 40s when she had me and it's been absolutely fine. A few challenges to navigate, but it's really not made a huge difference to me :) and I can still have a companionable and fun time with her- I'm in my 30s and she is in her 70s.
It's also worth adding that I got MANY benefits from the situation that most of my older siblings did not- so there is plenty to compensate for the inevitable challenges.
Great newsletter. We love love love love the story orchestra books! Along with Sleeping Beauty, Swan Lake, the Nutcracker, the four seasons, the hall of the mountain King… Those are our favourites. Fair warning that they don't hold up super well to little hands but I tape them and re-tape them because they are so well loved in our house!!!
Second this - we love the Story Orchestra books. In addition to the ones you listed we have Carnival of the Animals and the Planets. Our girls just love them.
This is such a helpful piece about the process of discernment, thank you for sharing it. Your thought process regarding the time you have available with your children is rock solid. God bless you as you make this transition.
Thank you! I decided to spend about ten minutes being personally offended that people would suggest your husband could be emasculated by anything and have now moved on. I’m stuck a little more on the part about husbands leaving the home for long days, as that is my husband and his willing choice and how he sees that he can best provide for our family and I will never be able to convince him otherwise so I pray St Joseph will. It’s very hard and has definitely impacted our family in ways he can’t see or fathom.
Separately, do you have a suggestion for a book on the history of Catholicism in America? Our beloved Nigerian Assoc Pastor is moving to a new assignment and I’d like to gift him something in this vein. I’ll get him the history of Black Catholics book Chris is using for his seminar but something general on Catholicism in America would be great too.
This newsletter was super helpful as I've been discerning big decisions with my husband the past year or so. I was surprised by how much I had no idea how to discern decisions. I bought a few books on discernment and currently reading Henri Nouwen's book, Discernment. Loving what he's saying about discernment through nature and books. Made me realize that those two things are absolutely my love language with God. My discernment has been so tricky because it's involving a lot of guilt. God has provided us with so many wonderful things, I feel guilty not working and no kids to care for with so much time on my hands. I feel like I should be doing something with my life to serve God. I am involved with my parish, so maybe that's where He wants me. I'm feeling pulled towards a few different things. I'm realizing, especially through this newsletter, that I may be overspiritualizing these decisions. I have become so scrupulous these past few years as I have tried to strengthen my faith. I'm also realizing, like your game show host example, it isn't a game of one specific correct path and numerous wrong paths that we need to choose from. Maybe there are many good paths God provides for us to choose from. The path is always crooked for me and as long as I'm listening closely and adjusting course as needed, I'm probably right where He wants me. It's the guilt I need to work on. As always, Emily, your newsletter provides so much encouragement and meaning. And frankly, deter me from becoming a crazy Catholic! You always reel me in! In a wonderful way. =)
It's a good one! I find Henri to be relatable. I also have Pray, Decide, and Don't Worry by Bobby & Jackie Angel that I'm going to read next. Someone from the Word on Fire Institute staff recommended the following to me that I also plan on reading: The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide to Everyday Living by Fr. Timothy Gallagher, O.M.V. There's actually a decent amount of highly rated books on Catholic discernment.
I haven't been a subscriber that long (2+ years) but I've never seen you take a slap at another prominent Catholic until now. Your comment, "As for emasculating … I’m not married to Matt Walsh. Chris is strong and wise and confident," completely distracted me from what was obviously a carefully thought out explanation of a major decision in your marriage. I'm not sure why you felt a need to attack Matt in that way. It seems petty and unnecessary in light of what your article was meant to convey: your personal journey. You're certainly entitled to disagree with your fellow Catholics, and to publicly state that you think Matt Walsh isn't strong and wise and confident. And I'm free to reconsider why I pay for a subscription. Its certainly not so that I can watch you descend into this kind of petty snark.
I am referring to Matt Walsh’s very public comment earlier this month that men are not attracted to women with successful careers and do not brag about their professionally successful wives. Which was what I took the question to be referring to, as there as been much conversation in recent weeks, particularly on Substack, about this topic as it relates to what he said. Of course not everyone is paying as much attention to these things, so I should have filled in the blanks more. I am sorry if it struck you as out of context. It wasn’t intended that way. To save more people the confusion, I will just delete the reference.
Thank you for the kind response. I thought that what comes across as a personal attack against him was beneath you and does not add to your beautiful and thorough explanation of how you are navigating a major family decision. He's a real human being just as you are, although your approaches to communicating your beliefs are wildly different. No point in deleting anything (it's already been said), just something to consider for the future.
As I read your letter I kept thinking God has been preparing you for this for many years. I am also glad you found a school your children love. That is such a balm to a mama’s heart. Blessings Chapman family.
Thank you!
This newsletter is the one that has touched me the most deeply. I found it a huge consolation, resonating with how our family has been trying to live and work together for so many years. Thank you for that, Emily. Thank you, too for the clarity of your writing as you aptly outline your very reasonable discernment process, while not sugar-coating the element of risk involved, and the need for trust in God's loving care. I appreciate your honesty in sharing that some stress and worry are involved, too. It is always part of the tremendous task of working for and caring for our families--a real sharing in the Cross of Christ. May your family flourish in this new exciting chapter. Count on our prayers for you, and for the wonderful work that you are doing to build up the Kingdom of God. Go team Stimpson Chapman! God truly bless you.
Thank you! Prayers for you guys!
Thank you so much for being you. You are an affirmation for me and an inspiration for my daughter who is trying to navigate the craziness as a young, Catholic, wife and mother who still wants to keep a toe in the working world. God bless you!
Thank you, and God bless your daughter. These things are rarely easy to navigate!
PREEEEEEEAAAAAAAACH ESC! I am loving this most thorough and honest dissection of sorts on how you came to this decision. Rooting for you!!!!! And truthfully, rooting for all families to take a careful look at how they make a living and how it impacts their families.
I know this is your wheelhouse!
What I think you have done so well here is illustrated many (if not all) of the important considerations people must consider when looking at their approach to work. I think too often work is approached in a more binary way- literally I must work, or I cannot work. Even this discussion of emasculation or “untraditional” is too binary. There are just so many considerations- including age, physical health, mental health, age of children, all things you have unpacked here, that need to be taken into account. The entire holistic picture needs to be examined.
Very excited for you, Chris, and the children. I don’t think I know of two people who so thoroughly review a situation and just know the best thing for them. This is awesome. I love Mark Twain’s Joan of Arc book. It’s an amazing read and I pray his students will love it, too. Granted, I was 50 or so when I read it, and she was my Confirmation saint, which might have made a difference. Praying for you all. The picture for cookbook cover is awesome, too. God bless.
Chris has been teaching a seminar at his high school using the book for 5 years now. It is always super popular!
Almost wish I was in high school again😉
I have a lot of discerning coming up with a looming empty nest. I’ve been the mom of a neurodiverse kid for the past 18 years and it was a full time job. What do you do when the things you would like to do (biggest dream? Helping communities of women explore the Church’s intellectual life in a deeper but accessible way) aren’t a cut and dry path? I’m assuming waiting for God to drop something in your lap isn’t the best. But when is waiting and praying not waiting for him to drop it in your lap?
And the comment about not being married to Matt Walsh just entered my top ten of things you’ve ever written, I laughed out loud.
Have you ever done one of the Endow studies Molly? What about leading one in your home or parish as a start? That would move you forward into a direction where something might drop in your lap!
At my old parish I was leading two a month. My new parish is a little harder to break into, but it’s definitely a goal!
You are amazing. Could you just do it in your home or would that be too nuts? Just another reason to come visit us so we can brainstorm!
My job sector has recently undergone a mandated shift “back to the office”. One of the more frustrating aspects of this shift is the underlying notion that working-in-the-home is not “work”. God forbid a parent is available and accessible for their family in case of need, especially in the absence of a “village” to care for them. Remote work also enables families to live in a location with a lower cost of living and therefore support more children. Does that make workers less productive? Perhaps. But I think the better question is whether the level of productivity we grew accustomed to negatively impacts the most important: the family business.
I love that you guys are reimagining how to BE as a family. So many people think that what is now common is normal: a man going into work for 8+ hours every day, his wife staying at home, their children in school. But really...our domestic arrangements can vary, and there are so many different ways for families to thrive.
My husband works for the Church, and it has reoriented our entire life. So many people can't even understand our life (my husband being gone weekends, working every holiday, BUT being there every most mornings and off during two week days). We homeschool so we can have time together as a family, because his non-traditional schedule would make him a mere shadow in our home. If I had my druthers, our children would go to school...but we discerned that wasn't a good idea.
Please let us know how we can support you more. I'm so happy you both are doing what is best for your family.
I love that you guys thought out of the box and found a way to make it work. Parish work can be so tough for families!
I love this picture of you & Chris! Also what you wrote about being older parents was so poignant. Our situation is different than yours but there are also some similarities. I’m 47, my husband is 57. We had our children starting when I was in my mid-20’s and he was in his mid-30’s. Our last two children were born when I was 40 and 46, and he was 50 and 56, respectively. Although mostly we just think of our family in terms of the “now”, there is that awareness that things will be quite different for the youngest two, especially the baby. I appreciate your writing on this topic because it can be lonely at times, realizing as the “old” parents, there will be less of us to offer these younger kids.
I appreciate this as well. I am turning 44 next week and my husband and I don't have kids but hopeful we may still have a chance. But the thoughts are creeping in about not wanting to be "old" parents. Really don't read much positive stuff anywhere about older parents, only hear the negative from people saying it's unfair to the kids.
We are sooooo grateful for our kids. We love being parents, and just accept the timing as God’s will. It would be lovely to have the energy of youth to give them, but it’s also wonderful to have the wisdom of age. There advantages and disadvantages to every age, but I trust that God knows what He is doing when He blesses older couples with children.
Oh I hope my comment didn’t sound like that. We LOVE these late in life babies. Their lives WILL be different than their older siblings but they are treasured and we are blessed by them.
No, I loved your comment! It gave me hope! =) I was excited to see your second was born when you were 46. I was like yes! I still have a chance! Lol. The negatives I see are always just insensitive comments from people who are not even in this situation. And I love that Emily added that God knows what He is doing when He blesses older couples with children. So so true. Just adds more beautiful hope to my bucket.
My mum was in her early 40s when she had me and it's been absolutely fine. A few challenges to navigate, but it's really not made a huge difference to me :) and I can still have a companionable and fun time with her- I'm in my 30s and she is in her 70s.
Oh, this makes my heart so happy to hear!
It's also worth adding that I got MANY benefits from the situation that most of my older siblings did not- so there is plenty to compensate for the inevitable challenges.
Great newsletter. We love love love love the story orchestra books! Along with Sleeping Beauty, Swan Lake, the Nutcracker, the four seasons, the hall of the mountain King… Those are our favourites. Fair warning that they don't hold up super well to little hands but I tape them and re-tape them because they are so well loved in our house!!!
Second this - we love the Story Orchestra books. In addition to the ones you listed we have Carnival of the Animals and the Planets. Our girls just love them.
This is such a helpful piece about the process of discernment, thank you for sharing it. Your thought process regarding the time you have available with your children is rock solid. God bless you as you make this transition.
Thank you! I decided to spend about ten minutes being personally offended that people would suggest your husband could be emasculated by anything and have now moved on. I’m stuck a little more on the part about husbands leaving the home for long days, as that is my husband and his willing choice and how he sees that he can best provide for our family and I will never be able to convince him otherwise so I pray St Joseph will. It’s very hard and has definitely impacted our family in ways he can’t see or fathom.
Separately, do you have a suggestion for a book on the history of Catholicism in America? Our beloved Nigerian Assoc Pastor is moving to a new assignment and I’d like to gift him something in this vein. I’ll get him the history of Black Catholics book Chris is using for his seminar but something general on Catholicism in America would be great too.
This newsletter was super helpful as I've been discerning big decisions with my husband the past year or so. I was surprised by how much I had no idea how to discern decisions. I bought a few books on discernment and currently reading Henri Nouwen's book, Discernment. Loving what he's saying about discernment through nature and books. Made me realize that those two things are absolutely my love language with God. My discernment has been so tricky because it's involving a lot of guilt. God has provided us with so many wonderful things, I feel guilty not working and no kids to care for with so much time on my hands. I feel like I should be doing something with my life to serve God. I am involved with my parish, so maybe that's where He wants me. I'm feeling pulled towards a few different things. I'm realizing, especially through this newsletter, that I may be overspiritualizing these decisions. I have become so scrupulous these past few years as I have tried to strengthen my faith. I'm also realizing, like your game show host example, it isn't a game of one specific correct path and numerous wrong paths that we need to choose from. Maybe there are many good paths God provides for us to choose from. The path is always crooked for me and as long as I'm listening closely and adjusting course as needed, I'm probably right where He wants me. It's the guilt I need to work on. As always, Emily, your newsletter provides so much encouragement and meaning. And frankly, deter me from becoming a crazy Catholic! You always reel me in! In a wonderful way. =)
Would you suggest Nouwen’s book for a soon to be empty nester stay at home mom of 18 years?
Having a great spiritual director is also immensely helpful for discernment.
It's a good one! I find Henri to be relatable. I also have Pray, Decide, and Don't Worry by Bobby & Jackie Angel that I'm going to read next. Someone from the Word on Fire Institute staff recommended the following to me that I also plan on reading: The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide to Everyday Living by Fr. Timothy Gallagher, O.M.V. There's actually a decent amount of highly rated books on Catholic discernment.
Discernment of Spirits is one of the best!
Wish I could read them all!
I haven't been a subscriber that long (2+ years) but I've never seen you take a slap at another prominent Catholic until now. Your comment, "As for emasculating … I’m not married to Matt Walsh. Chris is strong and wise and confident," completely distracted me from what was obviously a carefully thought out explanation of a major decision in your marriage. I'm not sure why you felt a need to attack Matt in that way. It seems petty and unnecessary in light of what your article was meant to convey: your personal journey. You're certainly entitled to disagree with your fellow Catholics, and to publicly state that you think Matt Walsh isn't strong and wise and confident. And I'm free to reconsider why I pay for a subscription. Its certainly not so that I can watch you descend into this kind of petty snark.
I am referring to Matt Walsh’s very public comment earlier this month that men are not attracted to women with successful careers and do not brag about their professionally successful wives. Which was what I took the question to be referring to, as there as been much conversation in recent weeks, particularly on Substack, about this topic as it relates to what he said. Of course not everyone is paying as much attention to these things, so I should have filled in the blanks more. I am sorry if it struck you as out of context. It wasn’t intended that way. To save more people the confusion, I will just delete the reference.
Thank you for the kind response. I thought that what comes across as a personal attack against him was beneath you and does not add to your beautiful and thorough explanation of how you are navigating a major family decision. He's a real human being just as you are, although your approaches to communicating your beliefs are wildly different. No point in deleting anything (it's already been said), just something to consider for the future.
You can totally choose to not be distracted by that one comment as well!