On Pilgrimage

Reflections from a Happy Crazy Woman

This newsletter is technically supposed to be for full subscribers only, but I’m sending it gratis to everyone for two reasons. First, because there’s a little announcement buried in the text—or more accurately, a hint of an announcement—and I don’t want anyone to miss it.

Second, because I want to invite you to a free Zoom call I’m hosting this coming Tuesday night (June 27), for anyone who has questions about writing, publishing, or the writing life. I’ll email the link to all subscribers Tuesday morning, then go live at 7:30 p.m. EST. My plan is to answer what questions I can in 30-40 minutes, and then take questions from participants on the call. If you have a question, just type it in the comments below (or email it to me at emchapman415@gmail.com). If you can’t be there for the live call, don’t worry: a recording will be emailed to all subscribers the next day and remain unlocked for 48 hours. It will then be available in perpetuity to full subscribers. So, if you want to become one, here’s the link. It’s costs less than one grande coffee at Starbucks a month and is the single best way to support my family and my writing (besides prayer, of course). Thanks, as always, for being here. Your support of this little apostolate of mine means more than I can say.

I remember the boys breaking down in the plaza across from the Hotel Frontenac. They were crying and fighting and so, so tired. I remember having zero energy to deal with them, and strolling away with Ellie, leaving Chris to corral the other two. I remember saying at some later point, “This was crazy. What were we thinking?”

But other than the tears in the plaza (and Ellie racing up the aisle during Mass in the crypt of the St. Joseph Oratory), I can’t remember why I said that. Whatever fits or fights had unfolded among my very young and very tired children to spark that moment of regret have faded from my memory. I know there were breakdowns. I know there were frustrations. How could there not be? But I honestly can’t remember the details of any of them.

What I do remember is Toby leading Becket by the hand, as they walked in hushed awe through the Cathedral of Mary, Queen of the World, in Montreal.

I remember Toby spying a giant crucifix in the crypt of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupre and, without prompting, kneeling down at Jesus’ feet. He then bowed his head and prayed. After he stood, Becket, did the same, in imitation of his big brother. When we told them it was time to say goodbye to Jesus and head upstairs, they both blew kisses to Jesus on the cross—many, many kisses, that I believe somehow flew through space and time, right back to Calvary, and landed square on Jesus’ bloody cheeks.

I also remember lighting candles—so many candles—in the Oratory of St. Joseph in Montreal, and thinking back to the last time I had prayed there, nine years earlier, before Chris and I were dating. I had begged St. Joseph to give him a kick in the pants. And kick him he did.

I remember seeing the stories of Jesuit martyrs, French sisters, and Native American converts told in paintings and mosaics and stone statues, then answering the boys’ questions about each and every one.

I remember eating hot dogs on the beach and ice cream in the streets and fresh salmon in a courtyard overflowing with flowers.

I remember walking past the tiny hotel where Chris and I stayed on our honeymoon, the park where we had wandered hand in hand, and the restaurant where we had eaten two nights in a row because we loved their beef tartare, then sharing all those honeymoon memories with the children.

And most of all, I remember Toby, Becket, and Ellie, running through the garden of the home where we stayed, laughing and splashing in the fountains of Old Quebec, sitting on cannons and climbing up battlements, marveling at waterfalls, and falling asleep together, in the same room, every night.

We were gone for 11 days, with a four-year-old and two two-year-olds. We drove two thousand miles. We prayed in a half dozen cathedrals, shrines, and basilicas. We pushed the kids way too hard on some days, and totally paid for it.

We also broke our stroller, lost my phone, trashed our car, and walked almost 20,000 steps a day. There were tears. There were squabbles. There were lots of things that didn’t go as planned. But there also was so, so much grace. And so, so much fun. The boys are still talking about it, and Toby wants to know when we’re going back.

We will go back. Not next year, but someday. We’ll also hopefully go many more places before then. This was our first pilgrimage with our kids, but (God willing) it won’t be our last. Chris and I both spent our single years traveling to holy places, and it’s long been our dream to get back to those places with our children.

We want this because of what we experienced on those now long ago pilgrimages, made both alone and together.

In Rome and Paris, Salzburg and Assisi, Oxford and Budapest, Cologne and Bratislava, Lourdes and Madrid, we experienced just a taste of the depth and breadth of the Church. We walked where saints walked and prayed where saints prayed. We saw the wealth of the Church and the poverty of the Church and God’s faithfulness to His Church, even in the midst of our unfaithfulness.

We saw how much bigger the Church was than our experience of it in our home parishes. We saw how much stronger it was too—how saints could spring up in times of heresy and how faith could endure even when those in charge of the Church undermined her at every turn.

All that we saw formed us and strengthened us for the work we do now, both in the Church and in our home. So too did the graces we received on those trips. The graces of pilgrimage are real. They are powerful. They endure. They cost something—money, time, and a continual willingness to suffer inconveniences and offer them right back up—but the cost is nothing compared to the grace…and to the memories.

Pilgrimages aren’t easy. Not with children. Not without children. Again, they always cost something. But if Chris and I were looking for easy, we wouldn’t have spent a collective 50 years working for the Church. We wouldn’t have married in our forties and adopted three babies in two and a half years. And we certainly wouldn’t be going to churches in foreign countries instead of beaches close by. Easy is not our goal. Heaven is. And so we’re already planning our next pilgrimage with our children.

Yes, they’re young, and no, they won’t remember all of it. But it’s our hope that the earlier our children experience this kind of travel, the more the graces that come through it will shape their hearts, minds, and souls. We also know this life is short. Time with our children is a gift. It is not guaranteed. We’ve lost too many friends in recent years to doubt that, and neither Chris nor I are in a waiting mood right now when it comes to doing the things we most want to do with our children. So, next year, God willing, we’re heading back to our most favorite of“thin places”: Rome and Assisi. Hopefully, we’ll be taking some of you with us (and your children, of any age, if you want to bring them).

We’re finalizing the details over the next month and will announce them as soon as we can. As subscribers to this newsletter, you will be the first to hear.

I know not everyone wants to go on pilgrimages to far away places, whether alone or with their children. I also know not everyone can. But for those who do want to go and who can figure out a way to make it possible, I promise the rewards will great. Not just for you and your family, but for the whole Church. The prayers of pilgrims are always a gift to those who stay behind. We all benefit when people go on pilgrimage, even if we ourselves can’t go.

This is why, regardless if going on pilgrimage with my family is in your future or not, I hope you can find some time this summer to take yourself (and your children or grandchildren if you have them) to a basilica, shrine, or monastery near you. It might not go well. There might be moments where it all feels like a flaming disaster. But the graces will be yours and theirs just the same.

Anytime we make sacrifices to go where grace has abounded for generations, where the veil between heaven and earth has been worn thin by countless prayers said and countless sufferings offered, we receive more than we sacrifice. The gifts of pilgrimage might not be evident right away. We might not see them immediately. But they always come. Prayers are heard. Grace is given. And sometimes, miracles happen.

So, that’s my little reflection on our Quebec trip and my little hint at how I hope you’ll be spending 10 days next June. Before I wrap this up, though, I want to offer a few practical suggestions for those wanting to take a pilgrimage of your own to Montreal and Quebec City.

Before You Go

First, take super sturdy travel strollers, the kind you take to Rome, not the kind you take around your neighborhood. Our stroller was just the best, but loaded up with three kids who collectively weigh 112 pounds, it could not survive the cobbled and cracked streets of Montreal. It snapped in two when we hit a pothole on our first full day there (which was the same day we lost my phone). I am still grieving … and researching new Rome friendly travel strollers for Becket and Ellie.

Second, in Montreal, we ate most of our meals with my uncle and his family, who live there, and in Quebec, we cooked a lot at our AirB&B, so my restaurant tips are few. But especially in Old Quebec, many restaurants have kids’ menus and are great with little ones. Cochon Dingue on rue St. Jean and Le Petit Cheateau on rue St. Louis were two that we found and loved. Again, though, you want a sturdy, collapsible travel stroller for navigating your way up steps and through tight spaces in restaurants there.

On the road and in Montreal, we used hotel points and a gift card from Beautycounter to pay for our rooms. That saved us a ton. In Quebec City, we rented a little house on the Ile d’Orleans, about half way between Quebec City and the Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupre. It was cheaper than staying in the city, allowed the kids a bit more freedom to be loud, and gave me the quiet I was craving. The place we stayed turned out to be super unfriendly for kids, so I can’t recommend it, but we managed to survive for five days there without breaking anything or the kids breaking themselves, so that was a win.

In each city we tried to do one fun thing just for the kids. In Montreal, we went to the amazing Science Center with my cousin and her children. In Quebec, we visited the Aquarium, and the kids had a blast. You really don’t have to spend money in Quebec to entertain little kids, though. There are splash pads throughout the old city, plus parks, cannons, battlements, cool fountains, and lots of space to run. It is such a great place to take kids on pilgrimage, and I can’t recommend it enough.

Mass times are far fewer in Quebec than in the U.S., so don’t think you’ll be able to catch Mass any hour of the day. Tourists also have to pay to visit Notre-Dame-de-Quebec in Montreal, but if you tell the guard at the exit door that you are there to pray, he will let you into the Eucharistic adoration chapel for free. You can then explore after praying. Besides Notre Dame, churches you don’t want to miss in Montreal include Old St. Patrick’s (my favorite), Mary Queen of the World (which is almost a replica of St. Peter’s), Notre-Dame-de-Bon-Secours in Old Montreal, and the St. Joseph Oratory…which is stunning on the outside and wonderful on the lower levels, but the main basilica looks like the set of Star Wars. It is….jarring. In Quebec, we’ve visited and loved Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupre (the largest shrine to Jesus’ grandmother in the world), Notre-Dame-de-Quebec (the Cathedral in Old Quebec), and Sainte-Jean-Baptiste..

If you’ve got any other questions, let me know below, and I will do my best to answer them.

Five Things I’m Loving

1. All the podcasts I can find with St. Josephine Garret on them. If you have time to listen to just one, my favorite is her appearance on Abiding Together. Katie McGrady also did a great interview with her on “Like a Mother,” and Jackie and Bobby Angel had some great questions for her on their podcast, too.

2. Beautycounter shocked everyone today by announcing a surprise summer sale. As far as I know, they have never done this in all the years of Beautycounter’s existence. Sitewide you can save 20 percent between today and June 30. First time shoppers get a free gift with purchase (the amazing Clean Deo), and everyone gets free shipping when they purchase the newest Beautycounter product: the All Bright Dark Spot Minimizer. Oh, and you can become a Rewards Member or renew your membership for just $10 this month (and get yet another free gift). It’s a lot, so feel free to reach out to me for more details or help maximizing the deals.

3. I finally broke down and bought packing cubes, hoping it would keep us organized on our trip. I am now a complete convert. Not only did these keep us organized, but they allowed me to fit so much more into our suitcases. We did 11 days in Canada with just one suitcase and one overnight/toiletry bag for all five of us (and that includes packing diapers for two!). I impressed even myself.

4. We’ve only watched two episodes of Shiny Happy People, the new Prime documentary on the Duggar family, but what I have seen is so good. The cautionary tale it tells is not just for Evangelicals, but for Catholics, too. Fundamentalism comes in many forms, and whenever we try to take a shortcut to holiness, substituting rules for grace, souls suffer. Definitely put it on your watch list.

5. Right before we left for vacation, Carrie Gress sent me the newest Stella Maris candle sold by the Mercantile at Theology of Home. It’s called the Magdalene, and it’s supposed to smell like scents Mary Magdalene knew well, namely Blood Orange and Cardamon. I just think it smells like summer. I normally try to save these candles for special occasions (because they are special), but summer has my kids smelling…funky…and yesterday the funk was getting to me. A lot. So, I lit it and breathed deep again. All the Stella Maris candles are amazing (and on the pricy side), so they make great gifts for weddings, birthday, and other special occasions, as well as for moms with funky smelling children.

Remember, this is a free post, so you can link it and share it anywhere you like! And I am so grateful when you do!

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