A friend once told me as she began a post-grad job search that she was looking forward to being a “Catholic professional” not a “professional Catholic” and that opened up a entire new perspective for me and I haven’t looked back.
I spent 20 yrs working in the Breast Care Center of an academic (university based) medical center. Plastic surgery for breast reconstruction after breast cancer was the best thing for some (not all) of our patients. There's not one risk-free surgery. It was shocking ~ 20 yrs ago when a breast augmentation was one of the most common gifts for graduating high school seniors in California. This was much discussed in our staff room.
Kudos to you Emily for recognizing that an augmented breast today isn't going to look at that great 20-30 yrs from now.
And to your reader who asked the question- I'm so sorry this is happening in your marriage. Emily's comments are spot on. Re-read them and take them to prayer. I'm sending a prayer for your husband and hope he finds holy men who can guide him through this.
Re book clubs if your reader is looking for one and doesn’t want to start and manage one herself is Well Read Mom. I’m sure I’ll be the thousandth person to recommend it, but it’s been such a balm to me in this season of toddlers - real literature! Real conversation! We read Brideshead Revisited last year and it blew me away (how had I not read it??). Highly recommend!
Just wow!! This was a great set of questions. And your answers are wonderful. I think I would had to leave the house for a week if my husband ever asked me to “fix” my body. Hells bells! None of us want saggy breasts but it comes with the territory.
And working for the Catholic church can be rewarding. But it’s a microcosm of the world, so it is filled with sinful people, too. It’s a harsh reality. I had to leave my job because it put me in the occasion of sin too many times. It wasn’t worth it.
And the book list - thank you. I think the only one listed , aside from yours, was “Death Comes for the Archbishop.” And so I will begin.
For weeks I've been considering asking if you would address a question on the church's stance on prophylactic mastectomies/removal of ovaries. Obviously this is not for vanity purposes, but does the church have an opinion or wisdom on the removal of one's breasts and/or ovaries due to a strong genetic predisposition to breast and/or ovarian cancer? I am no longer fertile, so this would not impact my fertility (I would not even consider this if I were still fertile!) I do have young children though, which is my main motivation for preventing the possibility of a disease that could at best lay me up for an extended period and at worst take me from them while they are young. Would undergoing such a procedure be considered "playing God", or prudently caring for oneself to avoid disease?
Obviously, this is something I would talk to my pastor about, but I also value the opinion of a wise and knowledgeable Catholic woman on such a matter :).
Definitely talk to your doctor and priest, but if the risk is high enough and your doctor thinks it wise, I can’t think of any theological reason not to do it. Praying for your decision making and health!
Thank you so much for your quick reply! I'm glad I'm not pondering a decision that would be morally unacceptable.
Prayers your home is soon only inhabited by humans and wanted domesticated animals. I do not suffer wild critters gladly in my home, especially those that fly, sting, poop everywhere, or are rabid. I wouldn't hate it though if a baby goat found its way into my family room....
Emily: Your article on "working in the Church" struck me as equally relevant for those who work in the Catholic publishing world. It still surprises (and stings a bit) when I encounter "celebrity Catholics" whose lack of appreciation (and "whisper campaigns" among their loyal followers against those who have displeased them) really takes the joy out of editing. It makes me doubly thankful to encounter speakers and writers who see their primary task to "serve, rather than be served." I was reminded of this again when you sent out the SOS for the Montessori school, well done! People like you are such a blessing to meet ... and to edit!
"…you go to work for the Church. Because God is calling you to do it. Not to escape from the problems of the secular work force. Because the reality is you can’t escape them. Most aren’t actually problems of the secular work force. They’re problems of humanity."
This is absolutely true. The best and worst job I ever had was working for an internationally known Christian (not Catholic, Evangelical) ministry. It was the best because the work we did to bring both the gospel and practical help to people was so real, so needed, and often so clearly orchestrated by God. It was the worst because all the venality and sinfulness of the world also existed in that organization. And it hurts so much more when people calling themselves Christians with power over others in the workplace are abusive and evil than it does when non Christian authorities exhibit the same behavior. After I left that job I decided I would never again work for any organization advertising itself as "Christian" unless God really called me to it. Preferably in foot high letters with a spotlight illuminating them.
Appreciate the recommendation to just do one story at a time for The Complete Stories by Flannery O’Connor. That feels like the lighter load I’d like to bring for my month of getting to pick for my book group (October) and would hopefully make up for the fact that I don’t see any audiobook offerings which is pretty much a prerequisite for my group. Since I would only get to pick one story for my month, which would you recommend? (even better if you can say why!)
I was also considering Anne of Green Gables for my pick so that might win out this time but would be good to know for future. Also willing to weigh in Brideshead Revisited but at 11.5hrs that might be more than what I want to pick at this time since as the leader I would definitely need to have finished it in time within the month.
I’ve worked in the Catholic world for close to 20 years, so I really appreciate your words of wisdom on this topic. And thanks for the book recs—I’ve read several of them, but there are other I need to add to my list.
Hey, so I’m probably going out on a very thin limb here, but I kinda want to push back a bit about the husband’s request for breast augmentation. I agree with everything you said, Emily. At the same time, to me the fact that he voiced this to his wife potentially speaks volumes about the quality of their relationship. During marriage preparation, I learned that it’s absolutely crucial for wives to understand the impact they have on their husbands. What often happens is that a man will tell the woman he loves something she does not like, and when she responds indicating as much, he will silently resolve never to talk about that topic or say that thing again. Because he would rather be in pain from not saying anything than see his wife in pain because he said something that hurt her. If it becomes a habit for the woman to react negatively to things the man says that she doesn’t like, the man will choose to be quiet and avoid certain topics, which over time causes a rift between the couple.
So while I agree with everything you said about what the husband said being hurtful and resulting from immaturity, I think it’s important to acknowledge that, somewhat paradoxically, him voicing this to his wife is ultimately a good thing. It’s good that he was honest with her about what he wants. Maybe while the request itself is hurtful, the honesty itself indicates a potential for a deeper conversation, which will then help him realize his skewed perspective?
I just felt like you were saying that it was wrong for the husband to even say anything about this, but correct me if I’m misunderstanding you!
I do actually think it was wrong. Honesty and open conversations are important. But not every thought needs to be spoken. Not every thought should be spoken. It's not a virtue to voice every problematic desire or selfish struggle we have. It's reflects a profound lack of consideration for the other. We are such fallen creatures, and so in marriage, like in every other relationship, we have to sift through the thoughts in our head before speaking them, identifying which are rooted in truth, love, maturity, concern for the other, virtue, and reality, and which are rooted in lies, selfishness, immaturity, vice, and fiction. God can obviously work with everything and use everything to draw husbands and wives closer to Him and to each other. But just because God can work with our sins, mistakes, and stupidity, doesn't mean it's a good thing for us to be sinful, careless, or stupid. Anyhow, there is lots more to be said, but Chris, Kate, Casey, and I ended up recording a podcast about this last weekend. Hopefully we will have it out next week. We can talk more then.
OH MY! I was just reading the Catholic Table and have Master of Hestviken pulled up into my ThriftBooks account because of you. However, I paused since there are multiple translations. With Kristin Lavransdatter the translations really made a difference to the text! Do you have a specific translation of Master of Hesviken you recommend?
Tina Nunnally. For SURE. She is a living translator who does an excellent job with Undset’s prose, both capturing the story, but keeping the language crisp and accessible to 21st century readers. No thees and thous, like in the previous translation! I think those were done by the first translator to give a “medieval feel” to the text; however, I’ve read that in the original Norwegian, Undset uses current idioms and language, *not* archaic forms!
Nunnally’s translation of Olav Audunsson (aka Master of Hestviken) is also SOOO good!
All those things you wrote about beauty of strechmarks and such, keep it coming 😭😭😭😭😅
A friend once told me as she began a post-grad job search that she was looking forward to being a “Catholic professional” not a “professional Catholic” and that opened up a entire new perspective for me and I haven’t looked back.
I spent 20 yrs working in the Breast Care Center of an academic (university based) medical center. Plastic surgery for breast reconstruction after breast cancer was the best thing for some (not all) of our patients. There's not one risk-free surgery. It was shocking ~ 20 yrs ago when a breast augmentation was one of the most common gifts for graduating high school seniors in California. This was much discussed in our staff room.
Kudos to you Emily for recognizing that an augmented breast today isn't going to look at that great 20-30 yrs from now.
And to your reader who asked the question- I'm so sorry this is happening in your marriage. Emily's comments are spot on. Re-read them and take them to prayer. I'm sending a prayer for your husband and hope he finds holy men who can guide him through this.
Re book clubs if your reader is looking for one and doesn’t want to start and manage one herself is Well Read Mom. I’m sure I’ll be the thousandth person to recommend it, but it’s been such a balm to me in this season of toddlers - real literature! Real conversation! We read Brideshead Revisited last year and it blew me away (how had I not read it??). Highly recommend!
Just wow!! This was a great set of questions. And your answers are wonderful. I think I would had to leave the house for a week if my husband ever asked me to “fix” my body. Hells bells! None of us want saggy breasts but it comes with the territory.
And working for the Catholic church can be rewarding. But it’s a microcosm of the world, so it is filled with sinful people, too. It’s a harsh reality. I had to leave my job because it put me in the occasion of sin too many times. It wasn’t worth it.
And the book list - thank you. I think the only one listed , aside from yours, was “Death Comes for the Archbishop.” And so I will begin.
For weeks I've been considering asking if you would address a question on the church's stance on prophylactic mastectomies/removal of ovaries. Obviously this is not for vanity purposes, but does the church have an opinion or wisdom on the removal of one's breasts and/or ovaries due to a strong genetic predisposition to breast and/or ovarian cancer? I am no longer fertile, so this would not impact my fertility (I would not even consider this if I were still fertile!) I do have young children though, which is my main motivation for preventing the possibility of a disease that could at best lay me up for an extended period and at worst take me from them while they are young. Would undergoing such a procedure be considered "playing God", or prudently caring for oneself to avoid disease?
Obviously, this is something I would talk to my pastor about, but I also value the opinion of a wise and knowledgeable Catholic woman on such a matter :).
Definitely talk to your doctor and priest, but if the risk is high enough and your doctor thinks it wise, I can’t think of any theological reason not to do it. Praying for your decision making and health!
Thank you so much for your quick reply! I'm glad I'm not pondering a decision that would be morally unacceptable.
Prayers your home is soon only inhabited by humans and wanted domesticated animals. I do not suffer wild critters gladly in my home, especially those that fly, sting, poop everywhere, or are rabid. I wouldn't hate it though if a baby goat found its way into my family room....
Emily: Your article on "working in the Church" struck me as equally relevant for those who work in the Catholic publishing world. It still surprises (and stings a bit) when I encounter "celebrity Catholics" whose lack of appreciation (and "whisper campaigns" among their loyal followers against those who have displeased them) really takes the joy out of editing. It makes me doubly thankful to encounter speakers and writers who see their primary task to "serve, rather than be served." I was reminded of this again when you sent out the SOS for the Montessori school, well done! People like you are such a blessing to meet ... and to edit!
"…you go to work for the Church. Because God is calling you to do it. Not to escape from the problems of the secular work force. Because the reality is you can’t escape them. Most aren’t actually problems of the secular work force. They’re problems of humanity."
This is absolutely true. The best and worst job I ever had was working for an internationally known Christian (not Catholic, Evangelical) ministry. It was the best because the work we did to bring both the gospel and practical help to people was so real, so needed, and often so clearly orchestrated by God. It was the worst because all the venality and sinfulness of the world also existed in that organization. And it hurts so much more when people calling themselves Christians with power over others in the workplace are abusive and evil than it does when non Christian authorities exhibit the same behavior. After I left that job I decided I would never again work for any organization advertising itself as "Christian" unless God really called me to it. Preferably in foot high letters with a spotlight illuminating them.
Currently waiting for my 3 year old to put all the poops in the potty…🤪
Appreciate the recommendation to just do one story at a time for The Complete Stories by Flannery O’Connor. That feels like the lighter load I’d like to bring for my month of getting to pick for my book group (October) and would hopefully make up for the fact that I don’t see any audiobook offerings which is pretty much a prerequisite for my group. Since I would only get to pick one story for my month, which would you recommend? (even better if you can say why!)
I was also considering Anne of Green Gables for my pick so that might win out this time but would be good to know for future. Also willing to weigh in Brideshead Revisited but at 11.5hrs that might be more than what I want to pick at this time since as the leader I would definitely need to have finished it in time within the month.
I’ve worked in the Catholic world for close to 20 years, so I really appreciate your words of wisdom on this topic. And thanks for the book recs—I’ve read several of them, but there are other I need to add to my list.
Love what you wrote about jobs!!
Hey, so I’m probably going out on a very thin limb here, but I kinda want to push back a bit about the husband’s request for breast augmentation. I agree with everything you said, Emily. At the same time, to me the fact that he voiced this to his wife potentially speaks volumes about the quality of their relationship. During marriage preparation, I learned that it’s absolutely crucial for wives to understand the impact they have on their husbands. What often happens is that a man will tell the woman he loves something she does not like, and when she responds indicating as much, he will silently resolve never to talk about that topic or say that thing again. Because he would rather be in pain from not saying anything than see his wife in pain because he said something that hurt her. If it becomes a habit for the woman to react negatively to things the man says that she doesn’t like, the man will choose to be quiet and avoid certain topics, which over time causes a rift between the couple.
So while I agree with everything you said about what the husband said being hurtful and resulting from immaturity, I think it’s important to acknowledge that, somewhat paradoxically, him voicing this to his wife is ultimately a good thing. It’s good that he was honest with her about what he wants. Maybe while the request itself is hurtful, the honesty itself indicates a potential for a deeper conversation, which will then help him realize his skewed perspective?
I just felt like you were saying that it was wrong for the husband to even say anything about this, but correct me if I’m misunderstanding you!
I do actually think it was wrong. Honesty and open conversations are important. But not every thought needs to be spoken. Not every thought should be spoken. It's not a virtue to voice every problematic desire or selfish struggle we have. It's reflects a profound lack of consideration for the other. We are such fallen creatures, and so in marriage, like in every other relationship, we have to sift through the thoughts in our head before speaking them, identifying which are rooted in truth, love, maturity, concern for the other, virtue, and reality, and which are rooted in lies, selfishness, immaturity, vice, and fiction. God can obviously work with everything and use everything to draw husbands and wives closer to Him and to each other. But just because God can work with our sins, mistakes, and stupidity, doesn't mean it's a good thing for us to be sinful, careless, or stupid. Anyhow, there is lots more to be said, but Chris, Kate, Casey, and I ended up recording a podcast about this last weekend. Hopefully we will have it out next week. We can talk more then.
OH MY! I was just reading the Catholic Table and have Master of Hestviken pulled up into my ThriftBooks account because of you. However, I paused since there are multiple translations. With Kristin Lavransdatter the translations really made a difference to the text! Do you have a specific translation of Master of Hesviken you recommend?
Tina Nunnally. For SURE. She is a living translator who does an excellent job with Undset’s prose, both capturing the story, but keeping the language crisp and accessible to 21st century readers. No thees and thous, like in the previous translation! I think those were done by the first translator to give a “medieval feel” to the text; however, I’ve read that in the original Norwegian, Undset uses current idioms and language, *not* archaic forms!
Nunnally’s translation of Olav Audunsson (aka Master of Hestviken) is also SOOO good!
I second this!!!!
Thank you! I read the Nunnally version of KL and it was so good, didn't realize the newer version of Hestviken was hers too. I get that one!