November Roundup
Reader Questions, Favorite Christmas Books, and a Whole Lot More
Dear Subscribers,
This month, I had hoped I’d be sending you a sneak peak of my next free e-book, A Catholic Answers…25 Questions About Adoption. But between sick kids, a rat the size of a cat in my house, and the river of sewage that started flowing through our basement, there was just no time to make progress on the book. So, that project has been tabled until January.
Instead, in this issue, I’m answering some of the questions you’ve sent to me. I’m also sharing book recommendations (including our family’s favorite Christmas books), and a recipe for your Thanksgiving table.
Next week, if you are a full subscriber, you’ll get a second newsletter from me. That one will include the first of four new reflections I’ll be doing the weeks leading up to Christmas. Those will go out to full subscribers every Sunday of Advent and include a reflection on Scripture readings for the day, plus questions and suggestions to help you enter more deeply into the season. Think of it as a low commitment Advent retreat for the busy and overwhelmed. If you’re not a full subscriber but want to become one so you can participate in this, sign up here.
Last but not least, if you’re interested in ordering signed copies of my books from me, this is the last weekend to do so. I only sign and ship books once a year, in November, and will stop taking orders this Monday, November 21, at 8 am EST. You can order books through this form.
Thank you, as always, for reading my words, supporting my family, and letting me be a part of your walk with Christ in some small way. It is a huge honor to get to be on that walk with you. I know it is all gift, an unmerited grace, and I am so thankful for it and you.
Blessings,
Emily
Reader Q & A
As a choleric, how do you avoid yelling at your kids?
It’s not easy. Among other things, being a choleric means my first emotion is often anger. If I’m scared, I feel angry. If I’m overwhelmed, I feel angry. If I’m frustrated, I feel angry. You get the idea. Anger is my default. The older I’ve gotten, though, two things have helped me not let that anger go from a feeling (which I can’t control) to an action (which I can control).
First, when I am in a situation where I start to feel anger rising, I ask the Holy Spirit for help with self-control and understanding. That is one of the things He is there for—to help lead me and guide me. Letting Him do His job, by calling on Him to help me restrain my temper and show me what is actually bothering me, has born tremendous fruit.
It also helps, in the moment, to just remind myself how little my children are and how little they know. My kids aren’t on a mission to torture me—although, occasionally, it can feel that way. They are usually tired or overwhelmed or confused or over-excited or trying to figure out this big, big world. Focusing on that, instead of my own emotions, helps. It’s important to remember that this isn’t about me. It’s about them.
This doesn’t always work, though. Because I too get tired and overwhelmed and confused, sometimes, I do yell. I don’t like it. I don’t want to do it. I work hard to avoid it. But I also don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world. Part of growing in maturity, is learning that our actions affect other people. When we are rude or unkind or disrespectful, we hurt others. And that’s bad. My children, like all of us, need to learn that their bad behavior has ramifications that go beyond them. And sometimes, one of those ramifications is that they upset Mama. They also need to learn that they can upset someone, without it being the end of the world. If I yell, I always, apologize, cuddle them, and talk through what happened. Me losing my temper—while not something I ever want to do—is going to happen because they are human and I am human, so it might as well become a good opportunity for them to learn about reconciliation, humility, forgiveness, and loving people through their mistakes.
What are some of your favorite podcasts?
I listen to a lot of random podcasts from week to week, depending on what I’m thinking about at the time, interested in, or seeing pop up in friends’ recommendations. I also inconsistently listen to Modern Miss Mason (homeschooling), Fountains of Carrots (usually books), At Home with Sally (parenting and Christian living), and a few others.
More consistently, I listen to Abiding Together, which I think it is one of the best podcasts out there for women who want to grow in spiritual maturity, and The Pillar, which is hosted by JD Flynn and Ed Condin, two canon lawyers, turned Church reporters. It is always inside (Church) baseball, often depressing, and I don’t always agree with JD’s takes (I more often agree with Ed), but it’s useful to me in my work as a Catholic writer. And I am a glutton for punishment.
I’ve also been a subscriber to Mars Hill Audio for years, which was a podcast before podcasts existed. It’s for paying subscribers only, and you can only listen to it on an app, but the cost and hassle is worth it. Hosted by Ken Meyers, it’s an ecumenical audio journal, rooted in a sacramental worldview, with conversations that focus on the Christian imagination and Christian culture. (It also is completely unaffiliated with Mars Hill Church, in case you were wondering).
When it comes to politics, I tend to listen to Libertarian podcasts, like The Fifth Column and Honestly, with Bari Weiss. This is not because I am a Libertarian—I always disagree with a solid half of what the hosts of these podcasts say (obviously and especially on sexuality and abortion)—but rather because I have a tremendous amount of disdain for both the Democratic and Republican parties these days, and want to get my political commentary from people who aren’t spinning for either party and who haven’t lost their minds or principles over the last 6 years. I also appreciate their emphasis on free speech, the importance of civil disagreement, and general contempt for cancel culture. Weiss especially is much more a classical liberal than anything else and does a good job of having balanced reasonable conversations on her show. I used to work in politics. I have firm and clear opinions on most things political. And I am not taken in by political rhetoric. So, it’s easy for me to listen to political podcasters that I don’t always agree with, take what I think is good from their commentary and leave the rest. If you can do the same, don’t mind swearing, and aren’t easily scandalized, both podcasts are worth a listen.
What will be on your Thanksgiving menu?
It’s not really going to be my Thanksgiving menu this year, as we are heading home to Illinois to be with my family. My sister will be hosting dinner at her house, and I will mostly do as I’m told. I think I’ve been instructed to make corn casserole, mashed potatoes, and whipped sweet potatoes (see recipe below). I also might be roasting the turkey. That is still unclear. I’ll miss hosting and cooking in my kitchen, but I am excited to see my family. Toby is, too. Every day he asks, “Is today Mimi and Papa day?”
If you’re interested in my tips for hosting and planning Thanksgiving, I have a highlight saved in my Instagram Stories. Most of the recipes I use are also available in my e-cookbook, Around the Catholic Table.
How, as Christians, can we do a better job of helping people see the evil of abortion?
Chris and I were just having this conversation, as he tackled abortion last week in his senior Catholic Social Teaching class. I am of two minds on this.
On the one hand, I have all sorts of ideas about the “ideal” way to talk about abortion. If I am leading the conversation, I’m going to present it much as I did in my free e-book, A Catholic Answers … Twenty-Five Questions About Abortion. That is, I’m going to start by talking about the great dignity and beauty of the human person, and then emphasize the Church’s compassion for post-abortive women. After that, I’m going to move to how we need to recognize the humanity of the child in the womb, based on both faith and reason. Then, once the truth of the child’s personhood and dignity is clearly established, I would dive into some of the stickier issues.
Even as I type these words, though, I can’t stop thinking about the survey I did on Instagram last May. I had asked women who once were pro-choice but became pro-life what changed their minds. Hundreds upon hundreds of women responded, many who were post-abortive, and their answers were all over the map. There was no one silver bullet approach that worked for everyone. It also wasn’t usually “ideal” presentations of the pro-life viewpoint that did the trick. Rather, it was many different experiences, encounters, and imperfect conversations. More often than not, it was many someones speaking up, just saying something, however roughly or imperfectly, that made a difference.
Publishing the abortion book has been fascinating, because I have gotten so much feedback about how good it is and how helpful it is. Yet many of the same people who told me how much the book helped them, also told me they were afraid to share it with others, including on social media. They didn’t want to deal with the pushback. Chris had a similar experience in the classroom last week. The only students who spoke up in the class discussion were pro-choice students. All the pro-life kids sat there quietly, some thanking Chris privately after class, but never saying a word during class. They were too scared of the pushback. They didn’t want to get labeled as uncool or get cancelled by their pro-choice peers.
I think a lot of pro-life people are like that. We’re scared to speak up about what we believe. We worry that we won’t do it perfectly—that we’ll say the wrong thing or do more harm than good. We worry about what people will think of us. We worry we’ll come off as one of those crazy pro-lifers that even Catholics on social media mock for not being sensitive enough or nuanced enough or whole life enough. This includes me by the way. I worry too. Hitting publish on my abortion e-book is one of the hardest things I have ever done. But I did it anyhow. Because it was the right thing to do. Because doing something imperfectly was better than doing nothing. And because no matter what kind of price I paid for publishing it—losing followers, losing clients, losing the favor of the algorithm—it still wasn’t as bad as the price I would have paid for not publishing it: losing self-respect.
We have to stop worrying. We have to stop worrying about ourselves, and we have to stop worrying about having some perfect pro-life conversation. Yes, we should always try to speak with love and compassion. We want people to hear what we have to say. We want people to feel seen and heard. But the most important thing is just that we speak.
Saying something—however imperfect that something may be—is better than saying nothing. For, when we say nothing, evil wins. When we say nothing, the most vulnerable and defenseless among us, go undefended. When we say nothing, pro-abortion voices control and dominate the conversation, sowing confusion, sowing fear, and sowing lies. And more women get hurt. More babies die. And a broken world breaks itself even more.
What We’re Watching
It took us two nights to get through (because we are old and tired), but Chris and I are very glad we watched the new Netflix documentary Descendant. Set just outside of Mobile, Alabama, in the small community of Africatown, the documentary explores what happened to the slave ship The Clotilda and the African men and men and women she brought illegally to America in 1860. The ship was intentionally sunk, not long after it unloaded its human cargo, to protect the man who had paid for the venture. More than a century of secrets, lies, and oppression of the descendants of those Africans followed. The documentary covers the search for The Clotilda through the eyes of Africatown’s residents. It’s a fascinating and tragic story that most of us never learned in history class, and all the more worth learning now because of that.
What I’m Reading
If you are looking for a “can’t put it down” winter mystery, I highly recommend Bury Your Dead by Louise Penny, which I just finished last week. Set in snowy Quebec City (and featuring many of my favorite places in that gorgeous city), this is technically the sixth book in the Inspector Gamache series, but you can start the series here with no problem (and I actually recommend doing so).
Another cozy day favorite which got pulled out again recently is Sigrid Undset’s memoir of her children’s winters, Happy Times in Norway. It’s a fascinating glimpse into Undset’s daily life and a world that feels a bit like a fairytale.
Less cozy, but even more fascinating is Father Aidan Nichols’ new biography of Undset, Sigrid Undset, Reader of Hearts. The woman behind two of the greatest works of fiction of all time, Kristen Lavransdatter and Master of Hestviken, was just as complicated as the characters she brought to life, and her story is just as fascinating as Kristen’s.
Last but not least, every year for the past four years, Saint Nick has brought the babies their Christmas pajamas, a Christmas book, and a bag of Christmas gold (chocolate). Here are a few of our favorite books that have appeared by the fireplace since 2018 (or will be appearing this year). Among the kids, some books can only be appreciated by Toby still, but they are always appreciated by me!
The Twelve Days of Christmas by Hilary Knight (this one Toby wanted read daily last year).
The Snowy Day by Jack Ezra Keats
The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree by Gloria Houston, illustrated by Barbara Cooney
Holly and Ivy by Rumer Godden, illustrated by Barbara Cooney (a favorite of mine going to Ellie this year)
The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey by Susan Wojciechowski, illustrated by P.J. Lynch
The Night of Las Posadas by Tomie DePaola
Silent Night (The Christmas Choir) by Laura Hawthorne
Construction Site on Christmas Night by Sherri Duskey Rinker, illustrated by AG Ford
Little Blue Truck’s Christmas by Alice Schertle, illustrated by Jill McElmurry
Mice Skating by Annie Silvestro, illustrated by Teagan White
Little Golden Book of Christmas Stories
Don’t Miss
Beautycounter’s biggest and best sale of the year is going on until Monday, November 28. And the best three days of the sale are happening right now. Not only does everyone get 30 percent off on their orders of $250 or more (or 20 percent off orders under $250), plus free shipping on all orders over $50, but between now and Sunday, the 20th, Band of Beauty members get 20 percent product credit on every purchase. So, if you spend $100 on one order, you get $20 to spend on your next order. That credit is good for 3 months, but you can use it immediately after placing your first order.
If I can help you take advantage of this offer or if you want to learn more about joining Band of Beauty, email me emchapman415@gmail.com.
What I’m Cooking
Whipped Sweet Potatoes with Brown Butter
Growing up, I thought I hated sweet potatoes. I encountered them exactly once a year, on Thanksgiving Day, and they came from a can, were dumped into a Corningwear dish, covered with syrup and marshmallows, then baked until they were a soggy mess. Years later, I discovered that sweet potatoes did actually not come in a can and were absolutely delicious all on their own, no syrup required. This sweet potato dish is what I’ll be making on Thanksgiving Day at my sister’s, but I’ve also made it on slow cooking Sundays, when I’m serving up a roast. It’s simple, elegant, and completely delicious. Also, you can make it up to three days ahead of time, saving yourself some work on Thanksgiving Day.
Ingredients
3 lbs sweet potatoes
.5 cup whipping cream
6 Tablespoons salted butter
.5 teaspoon nutmeg
.25 teaspoon cloves
A dash of cinnamon
A handful of pecans
Instructions
Preheat oven to 400 F; roast sweet potatoes in the oven, whole, in skins, for 40-50 minutes;
When potatoes are soft and squeezable, remove them from their skins and puree flesh in a food processor or with a hand mixer;
Add whipping cream and pulse until combined;
In a pan, melt butter, stirring constantly until it begins to vigorously foam; remove from heat and let butter sit in pan for 10 minutes; it will become brown and nutty smelling, but not burn;
Add butter and spices to sweet potatoes and mix;
Transfer to a serving dish. If serving soon, sprinkle with toasted pecans and a dash of cinnamon, then keep warm until it’s time to eat. If making before Thanksgiving Day, cover well with plastic wrap and refrigerate. When Thanksgiving Day arrives, reheat in a microwave or by baking, covered with foil, in an oven for 25 minutes. Top with nuts and cinnamon, then serve.
In Case You Missed It
“A Wounding Church: A Short Catechesis on Sin, Grace, and Christ’s Body on Earth” (Full Subscribers Only)
“A Faith Like Honey: On Parish Switching, Liturgical Living, and Helping Children Become Disciples” (Full Subscribers only)
“Welcoming the Wholeness of Women: The Catholic Vision of Feminine Dignity” (Free to all Subscribers)
You mean there are people who's go-to emotion ISN'T anger??? What's that like!?!