Love as Proof for God's Existence; The Problem with Exodus 90; and Trusting God's Love After Trauma

Weekly Notes

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Deus Caritas Est, Week 3

Read: Sections 9-11

Reflection

“Marriage based on exclusive and definitive love becomes the icon of the relationship between God and his people and vice versa. God's way of loving becomes the measure of human love.” Pope Benedict XVI (11)

A few lifetimes ago, when I first I read Sheldon VanAucken’s memoir, A Severe Mercy, one line in particular stayed with me. It was a question posed by VanAucken’s friend and mentor, C.S. Lewis.  “How,” Lewis asked, “could an idiotic universe have produced creatures whose mere dreams are so much stronger, better, and subtler than itself?”

How could it indeed? And in the decades since, when sorrow, disappointment, or disillusionment has attacked my faith, that phrase has often been my first line of defense. It reminds me that my ideas about justice and mercy, kindness and generosity, joy, peace, and love cannot be better than God’s. If they could, He would be no God at all.

It goes beyond that, though. It’s not just that a meaningless universe is incapable of creating creatures ordered towards meaning or that those creatures are incapable of dreaming better dreams than those of their Creator. It’s that we creatures are incapable of dreaming any good dreams apart from our Creator.

Our greatest goals, our highest aspirations, our purest ideals—all that flows from God. We are made in His image. We bear His mark. We are our Father’s children, and our nature reflects His. Not perfectly. We’re creatures who fell, and He’s the Alpha and Omega, dynamically fixed in perfection forever. But our best always points back to Him. Especially when it comes to love.

We love because God loves. We also long for a love that images Him. We long for communion because God is communion. We long to give ourselves because God is self-gift. We long for fidelity because God is faithful. We long for a love that lasts forever because God is eternal. We long to be known and loved for ourselves because each Person within the Trinity is fully known and fully loved by the other Two Persons.

Human love, when it is truly love, is never a thing apart from God. It always reflects Him, as the moon reflects the Sun. He is love—its nature and its source. And we can love neither apart from Him nor more than Him. Even when we’re walking in darkness through the Valley of Shadows, the God of the Universe is loving us with a love that is perfect in passion, generosity, fidelity, and purity. He has to be. He can’t love any other way.

Reflection Questions

1. The Judeo-Christian insistence that God really, truly, and personally loves His creatures was a radical departure from what other ancient religions believed. Do you think that truth could be easily perceived without Revelation? Why or why not?

2. What do you think makes it difficult for many of us to believe that God really, truly, and personally loves us? What, if anything, helps you believe that truth?

3. How have you seen God’s love modeled well in marriage? How have you seen it modeled poorly? How has that affected your understanding of love? If you’re married, how have those models affected your own marriage?

Next Week’s Reading: Sections 12-15

Question Box

Is there a correct way or place to hang a crucifix in your home?

Nope! You can hang them wherever you want to and can. We have them hanging over doorways and on gallery walls, pinned to kitchen billboards, and sitting on desks, tables, and just about any flat surface that can hold them. The most important thing is that they’re prominently placed so you can find one when you need to cast your eyes on Jesus. I’m a big fan of having a crucifix in every room of the house, but start by placing one in the room where you most frequently pray or spend time. Then, add from there as you can.

My husband is planning on doing Exodus 90 for Lent. I am dreading it. What are your thoughts about the Program?

I don’t normally comment on specific people or programs within the Church, but I’ve heard that same sentiment more times than I can count. In fact, it’s such a widespread problem that Exodus 90 had to commission a sort of companion study for wives, in the hopes of helping them have less resentment and anger while their husbands are in the program. Which strikes me as odd. If so many women struggle with their husbands doing Exodus 90, maybe you should try to adjust the program instead of the wives?

I have no doubt, given the world we live in, that the kind of extreme discipline Exodus 90 requires—daily holy hours, cold showers, no television, no alcohol or sweet drinks, no unnecessary spending, no snacking, no unessential phone or computer use, and regular intense exercise—has been really good for some men, and, in the process, for their wives. I also don’t doubt that there are women out there who feel grateful their husbands went through the program. If that has been your experience, I am so glad, and I don’t want to invalidate that. I just don’t know any women who have had that experience. Everyone I know has felt like their husband’s participation in Exodus 90 was penance for them, too.

I think Exodus 90 as it currently exists is probably best suited for single men. Because when you’re married, the spiritual and ascetical disciplines you take on don’t just affect you; they also affect your spouse and children. Wives tend to resent Exodus 90 because it often costs them the only relaxing time with their husband they get each day—watching a show at night, having a drink together, going out to dinner—and because they would like to be the one getting to do a holy hour or exercising even once a week … but can’t because they’re caring for the children while their husband is gone from the house doing his Exodus 90 thing. I think this resentment is probably the most acute among wives who have young children. The ones I’ve heard from would much rather their husband take on extra chores around the house or eat what they’re cooking without complaint or do more night duty with the baby than give up their nightly glass of wine together … and be crabby for 90 days while doing it.

While you can’t change the program, I think it’s fair to talk to your spouse about modifying it in such a way that you both are comfortable with it. It’s not a mortal sin if he doesn’t do every discipline they recommend. If watching a show together at night or watching baseball games with your kids on Saturday afternoons are important bonding activities in your house, then keep doing them in moderation. I suppose if I were in charge of Exodus 90, I’d add more suggestions for service around the house to the list and change the program to where a married man and his wife together pick five things from the list that he will either give up or do. Then, I’d require that the husband alternates days where he does a holy hour and exercises and goes to daily Mass, with days where he watches the kids so his wife can do the same.

This really goes for all of us, though. If you are married, don’t make decisions about your Lenten penances alone. Talk to your spouse about it and decide together. Also, don’t think you’re being holier by choosing a lot of disciplines or really hard disciplines. Lent is not the spiritual Olympics. And even if it were, you’d lose those Olympics if your penances were making you into a penance for the people closest to you.

Can you explain the Natural Law in a way I can understand?

I can try! First, though, I have to explain eternal law. Because you can’t understand one without the other.

Eternal law is the means by which God orders the world and everything in it. It’s like an architect’s rendering of a building or an artist’s sketch of a stained glass window. From all eternity, God had a conception of the world—of what it would look like and how it would operate. That conception is eternal law. It’s God’s plan for the world.

Natural law relates to man’s part in God’s plan. It’s our participation in it. It’s how we follow God’s design. It is ordered to our human nature, and it helps us understand what types of actions will enable us to live in accord with God’s plan for our nature.

Importantly, natural law isn’t something we need revelation to know. At least, not in theory. Saint Thomas Aquinas held that reason alone should be enough to know what we need to do in order to live a virtuous, fulfilling human life. This is why you see similar moral codes across religions and cultures. The focused use of our intellects tells us that murder is wrong and honesty is right, that fidelity is good and greed is bad, that men and women are made for each other and that theft is bad for individuals and society. These aren’t difficult or complex questions to a mind not corrupted by sin or self-interest. Reason makes the answers clear.

Of course, most minds are corrupted by sin and self-interest, so in practice (as opposed to theory) many people struggle to know and understand various aspects of the natural law. What should be self-evident is not. But, that’s a whole ‘nother problem. Either way, when we violate the natural law, we are acting in a way contrary to our nature. We’re doing things that won’t lead to a truly happy human life, but rather to a life that is less than what God wants for us, that is, in fact, less than human.

Have you ever experienced extreme anger with God and felt like He cares more about salvation history than us as individuals? I am losing hope and trust after being raped a few months ago. The suffering of the world throughout history seems so much.

First, I am so, so, so sorry about what was done to you. It is absolutely understandable that the world seems shrouded in darkness right now and that you’re struggling to trust God and probably others, too. A horrible crime was committed against you, and it’s normal for it to affect everything in your life, including your faith. As for anger, well, I’ve gotten angry at God about way less, so don’t be hard on yourself about that emotion. If you need to be angry at Him, be angry. Tell Him all about it. He can take it. He can take it all. He already has.

If you haven’t already, please seek out both a therapist and a spiritual director. They will be able to help you work through all the aftereffects of what was done to you way better than I can. All I can speak to is the theological part of your question, about God’s love. Please forgive any ways it might be insufficient right now.

This question, though, of God’s love and why He permits so much suffering, has been on my mind a great deal lately, and what I keep coming back to is the crucifix. The primary image of Christ, which the Church calls us to meditate upon, is Christ on the Cross. A crucifix is actually the only religious image the Catholic Church requires in its sanctuaries. Not Christ teaching. Not Christ healing. Not Christ resurrected and enthroned in majesty. But Christ crucified. Christ beaten. Christ violated. Christ bleeding. Christ victimized. Christ alone.

Many who aren’t Catholic (and some who are) think that’s morbid. But it really can be a gift. It’s not only a perpetual reminder of what Jesus has done for us; it’s also a perpetual reminder that He understands our deepest pain. God knows what it’s like to be betrayed. He knows what it feels like to have His body beaten and His heart broken and His life as He’d always known it ripped from Him. He has been there. He, in fact, went there. He chose to suffer like that, not for some generic idea of salvation history, but for you and for me and for every one of His beloved children. He went to Hell and back so that the pain you’re feeling right now could one day end. He took that pain on. He felt it all. He feels it all. He grieves with you and for you and, believe it or not, more than you. Because His love is perfect, and our love, even for ourselves, is not.

I know God gave us free will, but I have no idea why sometimes God permits people to commit certain evils and why, at other times, He steps in to protect us. At the same time, He never promised us that horrible, awful, evil things wouldn’t happen to us. He never promised we wouldn’t suffer and grieve and rage. He said the exact opposite. “In this world you will know trouble.” But then, also, “Take heart, for I have overcome the world.”

That’s His promise. He promises that He will save us from suffering and grief and rage everlasting. He promises He will save us from sin and death, so that the Hell we inflict on each other in this life doesn’t have to be our eternity.

Jesus also promises that until then, He will walk with us, that He will not abandon us, that He will weep with us as we weep and draw us close to Him while He hangs on His cross. He invites every one of us in our darkest, most painful hours, to keep Him company there—to hide our faces in His bloody feet and cling to Him when we can do nothing else.

That can feel like a really crappy invitation. Nobody wants to camp out on Calvary. Even God didn’t want to. But He did.

God can’t stop every evil from happening. Free will is not free if He does that. But He can and will give everyone who asks for it the grace they need to overcome the evil done to them. Healing won’t happen quickly. Grace is not a fast-acting formula. But it will happen. Just keep going to Him on the Cross. And again, if you need to yell at Him, yell. He won’t turn you away. He’d rather you yell at Him then give Him the silent treatment. Because He does love you. More than I have the words to say.

News & Notes

Mary, Mother of All is here! I got a chance to read the whole book Live on Instagram on Tuesday, and it was such a joy to share this book with everyone at last. If you haven’t watched the recording, you can see it here. I’m also getting ready to do a big Mary themed giveaway with my friends at Mother & Home. We’ll share all the details tomorrow (Friday, February 9).

If you’ve been reading the newsletter for the past couple months, you know I’ve been enjoying Louise Penny’s Inspector Gamache books. They’re not perfect (meaning, “They’re not Agatha Christie”), but they are highly enjoyable. In her latest newsletter, my friend Christy Isinger does a terrific job of breaking down what’s good and what’s a problem in the books, so if you too are a fan of the books, but also sometimes struggle with them, you’ll want to read this. (It’s free).

If you’re interested at all in vocational discernment, how the process today is perceived differently than it was in the early or medieval Church, and why we may be getting the process wrong, this interview with Christendom College history professor, Dr. Christopher Lane, is fascinating.

Today is the last day of Beautycounter’s double points promotion for its rewards program members. Until Midnight Pacific tonight, all rewards members get 20 percent in product credit on every order. If you’re not a member, now is the best time to become one. There are no auto-shipments, monthly minimums, or any requirements at all. You just get 10 (and sometimes 20) percent product credit on every order, free shipping on every $100+ order, and special access to promotions all year long. For new members, there is also a fantastic welcome gift of two best selling products (a $43 value). If you join today with an order of $125 or more, I’ll even help with the cost of membership. Just email me after placing the order, and I’ll reimburse you $15. (Also, first time customers can combine this offer with the code CLEANFORALL30 and save 30 percent on your first order.)

Chris and I finally watched the most recent episode of All Creatures Great and Small, and I spent the better part of it sobbing. Not because it was so sad, but because it was so beautiful. The whole episode was really one long reflection on parental love—its strengths, its failings, and its challenges. If you haven’t seen it yet, the whole show (and this episode in particular) is great to watch with kids. Toby started watching it with us last year, so I’d say it’s good for three-year-olds on up. It’s streaming on PBS and BritBox.

Recipe of the Week

Shrimp, Avocado, and Orange Salad

Serves 2, Prep Time 5 minutes

Last week, I stumbled upon a Substack newsletter devoted entirely to salads and decided that I needed to start making a different fabulous salad every day, just like the French do. Of course, I only had the ingredients on hand to make one salad, but I’ve made it every day, so that counts for something. This is what I’ve been eating for lunch all week … and might eat again for lunch all next week. I shared a picture on Instagram and got so many requests for the recipe, that I decided to share it here. I’ve quadrupled the proportions so you can serve it as a meal, but just divide all the ingredients by 4 if you want to make it for just yourself.

Ingredients

Salad

• 1 pound cooked and deveined shrimp

• 2 heads butter lettuce

• 2 ripe avocados, cut into chunks

• 2 mini cucumbers, diced into small pieces

• 4 celery sticks, diced into small pieces

• 2 mandarin oranges, pulled apart

• 2 Tablespoons fresh dill, chopped

• 2 teaspoons Herbs de Provence

• Salt and Pepper

Dressing:

• 4 teaspoons Red Wine Vinegar

• 1 Tablespoons Dijon Mustard

• 5-6 Tablespoons Grapeseed Oil

• Salt and Pepper to Taste

Instructions:

1. Mix the dressing and set aside;

2. Prep the vegetables;

3. In a large bowl, combine lettuce, cucumber, celery, and shrimp; toss with dressing;

4. Top salad with fresh dill, oranges, and avocados; sprinkle with Herbs de Provence a bit more salt, and serve.