I have a question I’d love you to answer... how do you go about getting a spiritual director? What if you get paired with someone who is a bad fit? What if it works for a few sessions and then doesn’t? What should you look for/ask for in a spiritual director? How does it even work? I think it would be really helpful for me but I don’t know how to make it happen and happen in a way that helps me and my faith grow.
My husband is doing Exodus this year and I've been working through the Exodus Bride book. I'm actually on board with the program. When my husband started, he got pulled into the program and became a bit scrupulous. But I had the courage to confront him. We talked through how the program made me feel like I was at the bottom of a long list. He changed. He started prioritizing my spiritual development along with his. We started praying the rosary more often together. The program tells the men to communicate. And that is so necessary.
I am so grateful for your heartfelt writing. I smiled at the small mention of Inspector Gamache and Three Pines; I began reading Louise Penny's Inspector Gamache series back in 2006, as a Protestant. I enjoyed her books as pleasant entertainment. Not being Canadian and having no familiarity at all with the history of Catholicism in Quebec, her apparent hostility toward the Church as expressed in the novels was no more than a minor curiosity to me.
I converted to Catholicism somewhere around "A Great Reckoning." At that point, the negative allusions to Catholicism in her books began to stand out to me. I did some research to find out more about Canadian Catholicism, including whether using the French Canadian word for Tabernacle as a profanity was really a thing (her characters often use it so). Ultimately (and sadly because I so looked forward to each new release) I could no longer enjoy the novels, because they have a thin but ever-present thread of scorn woven through each of them for that which I've come to love. As soon as the thread appears it ruins the reading experience for me. It also makes me sad for the author, and any Canadians who hold such a distorted and negative (albeit historically somewhat understandable) view of the Church.
Aw, thank you Emily! Thank you for sharing! And I am a hundred percent behind you on the Exodus thing. I’ve had too many friends have to rearrange their lives for their husbands doing this thing. Married Exodus should be doubling their time with the kids so moms can get out, making dinner once a week for their wives, and cleaning bathrooms.
I upgraded my membership so I could comment on this post (longtime reader, first-time commenter)! My husband completed Exodus 90 last year; I was a little skeptical about how it would impact our family life but not outright opposed to it. It helped my husband a lot, and our family as well. The more I hear about Exodus 90 complaints though, the more I think that my husband’s group//how E90 works at our parish is a mythical unicorn of E90 groups. The 9 men in his group were all married with small children (we have 5); so his group leader set the meeting times at 6 AM on Sat (my husband was home in time to make family breakfast) and one night a week after bedtime so they wouldn’t take away from family time or responsibilities at home. They were also encouraged to do the full disciplines but with the understanding that it was better to be flexible and meet their family’s needs first instead of following the disciplines rigidly (eg, totally fine to watch a family movie if that is how your family enjoys relaxing together, it was fine to actually celebrate Valentine’s Day with your wife, etc). The three E90 groups from our parish also had a massive St. Joseph’s day party together too, which was fun. My husband went into it wanting a challenge and wanting to get to know more men/dads in our parish, and it definitely accomplished both of those goals. His group still meets up a couple times a month and shares a holy hour at our parish’s adoration chapel. We invited all the families over for a potluck during the summer, which was great.
And I also think all your critiques are completely valid! I think it would be a very different (perhaps better) program if it was designed specifically for husbands/fathers with input from their wives. It was designed for seminarians, and it shows. That’s not bad, it’s just not meant for everyone.
I am so curious about the feedback the founders sought from unhappy wives; how recent was that? What feedback did the wives give? I will also say that my husband does not complain and doesn’t take things out on other people when things are hard; he’s phlegmatic and also pretty stoic (and also just a very good man). I would probably have very different things to say if his doing E90 had made things harder on me or our family. He did not make his penance *my* penance.
I have a question I’d love you to answer... how do you go about getting a spiritual director? What if you get paired with someone who is a bad fit? What if it works for a few sessions and then doesn’t? What should you look for/ask for in a spiritual director? How does it even work? I think it would be really helpful for me but I don’t know how to make it happen and happen in a way that helps me and my faith grow.
My husband is doing Exodus this year and I've been working through the Exodus Bride book. I'm actually on board with the program. When my husband started, he got pulled into the program and became a bit scrupulous. But I had the courage to confront him. We talked through how the program made me feel like I was at the bottom of a long list. He changed. He started prioritizing my spiritual development along with his. We started praying the rosary more often together. The program tells the men to communicate. And that is so necessary.
I am so grateful for your heartfelt writing. I smiled at the small mention of Inspector Gamache and Three Pines; I began reading Louise Penny's Inspector Gamache series back in 2006, as a Protestant. I enjoyed her books as pleasant entertainment. Not being Canadian and having no familiarity at all with the history of Catholicism in Quebec, her apparent hostility toward the Church as expressed in the novels was no more than a minor curiosity to me.
I converted to Catholicism somewhere around "A Great Reckoning." At that point, the negative allusions to Catholicism in her books began to stand out to me. I did some research to find out more about Canadian Catholicism, including whether using the French Canadian word for Tabernacle as a profanity was really a thing (her characters often use it so). Ultimately (and sadly because I so looked forward to each new release) I could no longer enjoy the novels, because they have a thin but ever-present thread of scorn woven through each of them for that which I've come to love. As soon as the thread appears it ruins the reading experience for me. It also makes me sad for the author, and any Canadians who hold such a distorted and negative (albeit historically somewhat understandable) view of the Church.
Aw, thank you Emily! Thank you for sharing! And I am a hundred percent behind you on the Exodus thing. I’ve had too many friends have to rearrange their lives for their husbands doing this thing. Married Exodus should be doubling their time with the kids so moms can get out, making dinner once a week for their wives, and cleaning bathrooms.
I upgraded my membership so I could comment on this post (longtime reader, first-time commenter)! My husband completed Exodus 90 last year; I was a little skeptical about how it would impact our family life but not outright opposed to it. It helped my husband a lot, and our family as well. The more I hear about Exodus 90 complaints though, the more I think that my husband’s group//how E90 works at our parish is a mythical unicorn of E90 groups. The 9 men in his group were all married with small children (we have 5); so his group leader set the meeting times at 6 AM on Sat (my husband was home in time to make family breakfast) and one night a week after bedtime so they wouldn’t take away from family time or responsibilities at home. They were also encouraged to do the full disciplines but with the understanding that it was better to be flexible and meet their family’s needs first instead of following the disciplines rigidly (eg, totally fine to watch a family movie if that is how your family enjoys relaxing together, it was fine to actually celebrate Valentine’s Day with your wife, etc). The three E90 groups from our parish also had a massive St. Joseph’s day party together too, which was fun. My husband went into it wanting a challenge and wanting to get to know more men/dads in our parish, and it definitely accomplished both of those goals. His group still meets up a couple times a month and shares a holy hour at our parish’s adoration chapel. We invited all the families over for a potluck during the summer, which was great.
And I also think all your critiques are completely valid! I think it would be a very different (perhaps better) program if it was designed specifically for husbands/fathers with input from their wives. It was designed for seminarians, and it shows. That’s not bad, it’s just not meant for everyone.
I am so curious about the feedback the founders sought from unhappy wives; how recent was that? What feedback did the wives give? I will also say that my husband does not complain and doesn’t take things out on other people when things are hard; he’s phlegmatic and also pretty stoic (and also just a very good man). I would probably have very different things to say if his doing E90 had made things harder on me or our family. He did not make his penance *my* penance.
Ooh, would you mind sharing the Substack devoted to salads? I would love some inspiration. Thank you for another fabulous newsletter, Emily!