I'm one of those people who didn't realize how immoral IVF is. I think I was blinded by my desperate desire to have children. I thought I would do anything to have kids. I once said I would go through 10 IVF cycles so we could have a child. I went through 2 cycles in 2017 and it destroyed my health. I'm grateful it did because it gave me a chance to step back and reflect. At first, I wanted to take a break to improve my health. Instead, God took my hand and led me right back to church. I grew up in a devout Catholic household but when I went away to college, I became an Easter/Christmas Catholic. It wasn't until the deep pain of infertility and the havoc that IVF caused, that I returned to being a devout Catholic. I tell people that IVF ruined my health but I am still unsure how to approach the topic of avoiding IVF for moral reasons and for the dignity and protection of each sacred human life created. When I told a friend I could no longer pursue IVF because of my Catholic beliefs, she said she was saddened to hear I thought it goes against my beliefs. She told me she is so thankful that God gave her this amazing chance at having a child [through IVF]. She only sees love when she looks at her child and cannot imagine God would frown upon what they did to have her. I responded and said that ANY child born into this world is absolutely a child of God and 100% loved by God and is meant to be here and was meant to come into the world exactly as they came into the world. Just that for me and my beliefs, I could no longer pursue it. She never responded to that email and we are no longer close. This was years ago and I wish I would have worded it differently because I feel my response still justified IVF. God is constantly creating good out of evil. I have learned that and I see the good that God has brought out of the sinful path I was on. I have been feeling called to work in marriage prep for Catholic couples and maybe God wants me to warn engaged couples of the dangers of IVF: dangers to the bride's health and danger to the human lives that are created and then destroyed. That babies are a gift from God, and can only be created in the marital embrace for a reason. Just because God has not gifted us a child, does not mean he doesn't love us. He has gifted me with many other blessings. I'll be 44 years old in a few weeks and I say there's still a chance until I hit menopause! I actually got pregnant a few years ago, naturally!! But sadly, it ended in miscarriage. But I am still profoundly grateful for those 10 weeks that our baby was in my womb. We may never be blessed with a child and that's ok for us too. It's whatever God wants, not what we want. It just means he has other plans for me and my husband. There are so many Catholic couples that never had children. I know now that I can serve God in other ways. I have 4 Godchildren, one niece, and 6 nephews that bring me so much joy. I'm excited about the possibility of serving God by working in marriage prep or maybe He wants me to support childless Catholic couples. I'm just trusting in His plan, because my plan has been truly chaotic and painful.
God Bless you and your husband. Infertility is a horrible cross to bear. TY for being humble, honest and sharing your story. We come to Jesus and Faith in so many different ways.
TY Emily for sharing your story, the pain, suffering, surrender, and the wonderful gifts of your Motherhood. And thank you for speaking the truth about IVF. I sat in a Resolve group (Infertility Support) way back in 1985. The women were speaking about their pursuits of maternity via IVF. I was a barely lukewarm and so poorly-formed Catholic at the time; fortunately, I firmly believed that life begins at conception. I remember thinking "How could I trust a physician or lab/med tech to care for and respect the life of my child in a lab dish and how many children would have to be conceived and lost before I would have a "successful" pregnancy. I knew then that IVF could never be part of my fertility journey.
Hi Emily, I attended the Rose dinner in Ottawa last week for the first time just to hear your keynote talk and it was so worth it. May the Lord bless you, your family and your life giving apostolate ❤️
Emily, thank you so much for sharing your speech. It’s evident how much compassion and love for vulnerable women you have. You helped your audience step into the shoes of women who are susceptible to pressure either from doctors promising miracle babies or from people who think they shouldn’t carry the babies they’ve already conceived. I wouldn’t have thought to draw that connection, but it was spot on. You shared both your story and the truth of the Church’s commitment to protect life beautifully and vulnerably.
Wow, thank you Emily for speaking truth in such a loving, compassionate way. I work with a beautiful catholic infertility ministry called The Fruitful Hollow and am a mentor with their mentorship group, Sisters of Hannah - I think this talk could be such a beautiful witness to couples we talk to that are struggling with these same feelings of desperation and thinking about IVF. I’d love to share it with them if possible.
Thank you for your work, Liz! I think you should be able to forward the email to them. If not, let me know and I will just send you some gift subscriptions to share with them.
Ok, I have to admit, I commented after reading the email but didn't even listen to the talk. I'm hard of hearing so find it difficult to listen to podcasts or talks. I figured I'd give it a try with my phone's captioning which is not reliable. But yay for Substack, the talk is already captioned in the app! I just listened to the whole talk without missing anything and I have to say what a beautiful talk full of so much love and beauty!!! I teared up multiple times. I sometimes say I wish I would have known what I know now so that I would have never gone through IVF. I can't say for sure I would have came back to God though if I had a child through IVF. It took ruining my health through IVF to become close to God. And if God showed me two paths now, one with children and no relationship with God or another path with failed IVF, IUI, 3 laparoscopy surgeries, a destroyed thyroid even 8 years later but a loving relationship with God... I would choose the path that brings me closer to God even if that means no children. I trust He needed me to go through these struggles so I can help others in some way. I'm not sure how yet but I'm saying yes to whatever He wants me to do.
Thank you for sharing your talk and the link to the Chicken Tagine recipe, I haven’t listened to it yet or tried the recipe, but I am so looking forward to both. 😊 Just wanted to share, because I love Moroccan food and am always on the lookout for both recipes and ingredients, I discovered a few weeks ago that the Steubenville Kroger’s actually started carrying preserved lemons - Mina brand, found in aisle 8, in the Indian food section.
Really interesting, thank you. I had absolutely no idea that the pro-life community championed or even used IVF. I have only ever heard condemnation of it, and reminders that embryos are human life, so I'm very confused now! I must go and listen to your talk ASAP.
This is primarily true among Protestants and secular pro-lifers, but increasingly among Catholics. It was definitely a controversial topic choice for the Canadiansz
Yes, as Emily said, I think it’s more common among Protestants who are against abortion but who don’t necessarily have a consistent ethic of sexual morality. There are some (many?) denominations who allow the use of contraceptives, even ones that are abortifacient.
Ah right, that all makes more sense, thank you. I think I was equating "pro-life community" with "the Catholics I know where I live in the UK". I hadn't thought about the major differences in sexual ethics that other Protestant denominations have.
IVF has been particularly in the spotlight in the US, and dividing the pro-life community, over the past year because of the Trump campaign and now administration’s support for it. He proposed subsidizing IVF for families to increase the birth rate in the US.
I'm one of those people who didn't realize how immoral IVF is. I think I was blinded by my desperate desire to have children. I thought I would do anything to have kids. I once said I would go through 10 IVF cycles so we could have a child. I went through 2 cycles in 2017 and it destroyed my health. I'm grateful it did because it gave me a chance to step back and reflect. At first, I wanted to take a break to improve my health. Instead, God took my hand and led me right back to church. I grew up in a devout Catholic household but when I went away to college, I became an Easter/Christmas Catholic. It wasn't until the deep pain of infertility and the havoc that IVF caused, that I returned to being a devout Catholic. I tell people that IVF ruined my health but I am still unsure how to approach the topic of avoiding IVF for moral reasons and for the dignity and protection of each sacred human life created. When I told a friend I could no longer pursue IVF because of my Catholic beliefs, she said she was saddened to hear I thought it goes against my beliefs. She told me she is so thankful that God gave her this amazing chance at having a child [through IVF]. She only sees love when she looks at her child and cannot imagine God would frown upon what they did to have her. I responded and said that ANY child born into this world is absolutely a child of God and 100% loved by God and is meant to be here and was meant to come into the world exactly as they came into the world. Just that for me and my beliefs, I could no longer pursue it. She never responded to that email and we are no longer close. This was years ago and I wish I would have worded it differently because I feel my response still justified IVF. God is constantly creating good out of evil. I have learned that and I see the good that God has brought out of the sinful path I was on. I have been feeling called to work in marriage prep for Catholic couples and maybe God wants me to warn engaged couples of the dangers of IVF: dangers to the bride's health and danger to the human lives that are created and then destroyed. That babies are a gift from God, and can only be created in the marital embrace for a reason. Just because God has not gifted us a child, does not mean he doesn't love us. He has gifted me with many other blessings. I'll be 44 years old in a few weeks and I say there's still a chance until I hit menopause! I actually got pregnant a few years ago, naturally!! But sadly, it ended in miscarriage. But I am still profoundly grateful for those 10 weeks that our baby was in my womb. We may never be blessed with a child and that's ok for us too. It's whatever God wants, not what we want. It just means he has other plans for me and my husband. There are so many Catholic couples that never had children. I know now that I can serve God in other ways. I have 4 Godchildren, one niece, and 6 nephews that bring me so much joy. I'm excited about the possibility of serving God by working in marriage prep or maybe He wants me to support childless Catholic couples. I'm just trusting in His plan, because my plan has been truly chaotic and painful.
God Bless you and your husband. Infertility is a horrible cross to bear. TY for being humble, honest and sharing your story. We come to Jesus and Faith in so many different ways.
TY Emily for sharing your story, the pain, suffering, surrender, and the wonderful gifts of your Motherhood. And thank you for speaking the truth about IVF. I sat in a Resolve group (Infertility Support) way back in 1985. The women were speaking about their pursuits of maternity via IVF. I was a barely lukewarm and so poorly-formed Catholic at the time; fortunately, I firmly believed that life begins at conception. I remember thinking "How could I trust a physician or lab/med tech to care for and respect the life of my child in a lab dish and how many children would have to be conceived and lost before I would have a "successful" pregnancy. I knew then that IVF could never be part of my fertility journey.
It was such a grace that you had those questions!
It was ALL God's grace, not any discernment on my part. Lots to be thankful for
Hi Emily, I attended the Rose dinner in Ottawa last week for the first time just to hear your keynote talk and it was so worth it. May the Lord bless you, your family and your life giving apostolate ❤️
Thank you! I was so glad to be there!
Emily, thank you so much for sharing your speech. It’s evident how much compassion and love for vulnerable women you have. You helped your audience step into the shoes of women who are susceptible to pressure either from doctors promising miracle babies or from people who think they shouldn’t carry the babies they’ve already conceived. I wouldn’t have thought to draw that connection, but it was spot on. You shared both your story and the truth of the Church’s commitment to protect life beautifully and vulnerably.
Wow, thank you Emily for speaking truth in such a loving, compassionate way. I work with a beautiful catholic infertility ministry called The Fruitful Hollow and am a mentor with their mentorship group, Sisters of Hannah - I think this talk could be such a beautiful witness to couples we talk to that are struggling with these same feelings of desperation and thinking about IVF. I’d love to share it with them if possible.
Thank you for your work, Liz! I think you should be able to forward the email to them. If not, let me know and I will just send you some gift subscriptions to share with them.
Ok, I have to admit, I commented after reading the email but didn't even listen to the talk. I'm hard of hearing so find it difficult to listen to podcasts or talks. I figured I'd give it a try with my phone's captioning which is not reliable. But yay for Substack, the talk is already captioned in the app! I just listened to the whole talk without missing anything and I have to say what a beautiful talk full of so much love and beauty!!! I teared up multiple times. I sometimes say I wish I would have known what I know now so that I would have never gone through IVF. I can't say for sure I would have came back to God though if I had a child through IVF. It took ruining my health through IVF to become close to God. And if God showed me two paths now, one with children and no relationship with God or another path with failed IVF, IUI, 3 laparoscopy surgeries, a destroyed thyroid even 8 years later but a loving relationship with God... I would choose the path that brings me closer to God even if that means no children. I trust He needed me to go through these struggles so I can help others in some way. I'm not sure how yet but I'm saying yes to whatever He wants me to do.
I think your story is beautiful, Anna. God works through all things, which is one of His greatest mercies. Praying for you!
Thank you for sharing your talk and the link to the Chicken Tagine recipe, I haven’t listened to it yet or tried the recipe, but I am so looking forward to both. 😊 Just wanted to share, because I love Moroccan food and am always on the lookout for both recipes and ingredients, I discovered a few weeks ago that the Steubenville Kroger’s actually started carrying preserved lemons - Mina brand, found in aisle 8, in the Indian food section.
Really interesting, thank you. I had absolutely no idea that the pro-life community championed or even used IVF. I have only ever heard condemnation of it, and reminders that embryos are human life, so I'm very confused now! I must go and listen to your talk ASAP.
This is primarily true among Protestants and secular pro-lifers, but increasingly among Catholics. It was definitely a controversial topic choice for the Canadiansz
Yes, as Emily said, I think it’s more common among Protestants who are against abortion but who don’t necessarily have a consistent ethic of sexual morality. There are some (many?) denominations who allow the use of contraceptives, even ones that are abortifacient.
Ah right, that all makes more sense, thank you. I think I was equating "pro-life community" with "the Catholics I know where I live in the UK". I hadn't thought about the major differences in sexual ethics that other Protestant denominations have.
IVF has been particularly in the spotlight in the US, and dividing the pro-life community, over the past year because of the Trump campaign and now administration’s support for it. He proposed subsidizing IVF for families to increase the birth rate in the US.