I have raised my family so I am old enough to tell you where this story ends: it doesn’t. Just more tools and forums through which to lob the same admonitions. Previously, these were christened the “Mommy Wars.” I have no idea what they are called now but lament that some form of these still rage on and to what end? It appeared to me then and now that everyone made the best decisions they could make given their circumstances and opportunities and even some factors well beyond their control.
Building a life of meaning and purpose for your family on a strong faith foundation should be paramount to us all. In that light, maybe the question we should be entertaining is how might we support others trying earnestly to do this even if their path is different from ours?
Love this! As a homeschooling write-from-home, podcast-from-home mother, I find myself in the midst of these two groups, sometimes cheering them on, sometimes feeling the nail has not exactly been hit on the head. The nuanced perspective that is so truly Catholic is absolutely necessary to thread the needle on this issue. Thanks for these essays! Can't wait to dive in for some Saturday coffee mom time reading tomorrow :)
I have really appreciated these last two emails/essays Emily. I am 61 and I think I was raised in an environment where the thought was that I could go to college but it would be something 'to fall back on' as my mother frequently said. I struggled with anxiety at times during my reproductive years and I do think that played a role in choices that I made during those early years. I loved being at home with the kids (mostly, haha..) but I also yearned for more in my career (kind of the 'what could have been'). My husband spent time in the active duty military so we made the decision that I would be at 'home' since there were times when he would be gone for weeks at a time, occasionally months. I watch my daughter and daughter in law struggle with the challenges of the work world outside the home but I also am so proud of their accomplishments. The two grandchildren that we have do attend daycare and I consciously try to not offer opinions or admonitions but as a human, I'm sure over the years I have made a comment or two that could be construed as critical. I think every family has to find what works best for them. My daughter in law is an amazing teacher and they now have the support of her parents (living with them) but the children still attend their daycare. It is cool to see the advantages of a multi-generational household. Just the other day, they were remarking at how they felt fortunate to find a daycare that they felt was a good fit. The kids are happy and well adjusted and the older one is always excited about learning and her friends. The younger one is still learning to crawl so he doesn't have much to say yet, haha. I love how you talk about the constant discernment that you and Chris go through. I think this is crucial to the process - continually discerning - where are we now, what works best, etc. Now that I am an empty nester, I have been able to devote more time to a career that I love as a FertilityCare Practitioner. This is something I was able to do part time during those years that the children were younger so we have continually readjusted our home life based on everyone's needs at a particular moment in time. Anyway, really appreciated how you discussed the dangers of extremes in this essay. Looking forward to reading more.
Count on my prayers, Emily! I speak for myself when I say your writing really contributes to the pursuit of sanity in this crazy online environment. May God be praised for your life and for the work you do!
Here’s a story of mine about when moms don’t fall into a convenient category. When my oldest was young I was able to change my hours to flexible part time thanks to amazing management. It allowed me to wake with baby, nurse, depart to daycare on her schedule, etc. I was very involved with La Leche League at the time and a part of an evening group attended by many moms who were employed in some way. After a couple years I was asked to become a leader by a fellow leader. Everything was going great until the regional leadership got a hold of my application. I still recall the painful conversation with her about whether my 27 hours of work each week included my lunch break and commute so they could determine whether my total separation from my daughter met their guideline. There was no mention of how I followed their philosophy of mothering through breastfeeding. It was literally a matter of whether my commute was 20 min or 30 min each day.
In the conversation about discontinuing my application, my chapter leader helpfully shared a story about her friend who was employed when her first was born, then divorced and remarried and stopped her employment for her next child and was able to become a LLL. “You never know where life will take you” were her exact words.
This story makes me so sad and I am just so sorry that this happened to you. You are amazing and you nurtured the well-being of your child in such a beautiful way. It is wild that your management was more supportive of you as a mother than an organization whose whole purpose is to support mothers and babies. (I am a new subscriber and have done a retroactive binge read which is why my comment is so delayed.)
I have raised my family so I am old enough to tell you where this story ends: it doesn’t. Just more tools and forums through which to lob the same admonitions. Previously, these were christened the “Mommy Wars.” I have no idea what they are called now but lament that some form of these still rage on and to what end? It appeared to me then and now that everyone made the best decisions they could make given their circumstances and opportunities and even some factors well beyond their control.
Building a life of meaning and purpose for your family on a strong faith foundation should be paramount to us all. In that light, maybe the question we should be entertaining is how might we support others trying earnestly to do this even if their path is different from ours?
Amen!!
Love this! As a homeschooling write-from-home, podcast-from-home mother, I find myself in the midst of these two groups, sometimes cheering them on, sometimes feeling the nail has not exactly been hit on the head. The nuanced perspective that is so truly Catholic is absolutely necessary to thread the needle on this issue. Thanks for these essays! Can't wait to dive in for some Saturday coffee mom time reading tomorrow :)
I have really appreciated these last two emails/essays Emily. I am 61 and I think I was raised in an environment where the thought was that I could go to college but it would be something 'to fall back on' as my mother frequently said. I struggled with anxiety at times during my reproductive years and I do think that played a role in choices that I made during those early years. I loved being at home with the kids (mostly, haha..) but I also yearned for more in my career (kind of the 'what could have been'). My husband spent time in the active duty military so we made the decision that I would be at 'home' since there were times when he would be gone for weeks at a time, occasionally months. I watch my daughter and daughter in law struggle with the challenges of the work world outside the home but I also am so proud of their accomplishments. The two grandchildren that we have do attend daycare and I consciously try to not offer opinions or admonitions but as a human, I'm sure over the years I have made a comment or two that could be construed as critical. I think every family has to find what works best for them. My daughter in law is an amazing teacher and they now have the support of her parents (living with them) but the children still attend their daycare. It is cool to see the advantages of a multi-generational household. Just the other day, they were remarking at how they felt fortunate to find a daycare that they felt was a good fit. The kids are happy and well adjusted and the older one is always excited about learning and her friends. The younger one is still learning to crawl so he doesn't have much to say yet, haha. I love how you talk about the constant discernment that you and Chris go through. I think this is crucial to the process - continually discerning - where are we now, what works best, etc. Now that I am an empty nester, I have been able to devote more time to a career that I love as a FertilityCare Practitioner. This is something I was able to do part time during those years that the children were younger so we have continually readjusted our home life based on everyone's needs at a particular moment in time. Anyway, really appreciated how you discussed the dangers of extremes in this essay. Looking forward to reading more.
Prayers for a return to good health, Emily!
That dress is beautiful!! And I, for one, am psyched to listen to the podcast you have not yet recorded!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom; it's a breath of fresh air in the age of "reels."
Count on my prayers, Emily! I speak for myself when I say your writing really contributes to the pursuit of sanity in this crazy online environment. May God be praised for your life and for the work you do!
Here’s a story of mine about when moms don’t fall into a convenient category. When my oldest was young I was able to change my hours to flexible part time thanks to amazing management. It allowed me to wake with baby, nurse, depart to daycare on her schedule, etc. I was very involved with La Leche League at the time and a part of an evening group attended by many moms who were employed in some way. After a couple years I was asked to become a leader by a fellow leader. Everything was going great until the regional leadership got a hold of my application. I still recall the painful conversation with her about whether my 27 hours of work each week included my lunch break and commute so they could determine whether my total separation from my daughter met their guideline. There was no mention of how I followed their philosophy of mothering through breastfeeding. It was literally a matter of whether my commute was 20 min or 30 min each day.
In the conversation about discontinuing my application, my chapter leader helpfully shared a story about her friend who was employed when her first was born, then divorced and remarried and stopped her employment for her next child and was able to become a LLL. “You never know where life will take you” were her exact words.
This story makes me so sad and I am just so sorry that this happened to you. You are amazing and you nurtured the well-being of your child in such a beautiful way. It is wild that your management was more supportive of you as a mother than an organization whose whole purpose is to support mothers and babies. (I am a new subscriber and have done a retroactive binge read which is why my comment is so delayed.)
Looking forward to the podcast!
Excited about the podcast! Praying for your family’s health 🙏🏼