The Master List for Which No One is Asking
(But it's my birthday, so I'm giving it to you anyhow)
I am not a teacher of master classes. I don’t have that kind of confidence. I don’t know how anyone does. But, today, on my forty-eighth birthday, I thought I would lighten things up a bit (because gosh, the newsletters have been heavy as of late), and do something a little different from the usual in-depth reflection on one particular aspect of the Faith. Instead, I want to offer you a mini-masterclass—or, more accurately, a mini masterlist—about the fundamental truths I have learned over the past 48 years. We’ll call it, “Things Emily Stimpson Chapman Knows.”
I recognize this is not a masterclass that I could market to millions. No one is exactly clamoring for this knowledge. And it is pretty limited in scope. Somehow, the older I get, the less I seem to know. Twenty-eight-year-old Emily was vastly more certain about her opinions than forty-eight-year-old Emily. If you had asked Emily of 20 years ago to teach a masterclass, she would have filmed a whole video series for you, with twelve, hour-long episodes, including ones on modesty and liturgical music, the evils of recessed lighting and the Republicans chances at the polls next November. She was full of opinions on all those things and happy to share them with everyone. Forty-eight-year-old Emily is older and wiser and knows better than to talk about liturgical music and politics online. She also has fewer opinions in general. Too many have gotten dashed up against the realities of life and the complications of the human heart.
That’s a good thing, though. For me and for you. First, who has time to sit through twelve hours of classes? Second, having fewer opinions makes the opinions I do have better opinions—more measured, more tried, more rooted in experience. (At least that’s what I tell myself.) Either way, these are some of the guiding principles of my life. They are not just about the faith. But they’re all informed by it. And they are all things that I know to be true or believe to be true with all my heart. Some are fairly trivial. Some are of vital importance. But I would stake my life on all of them. And so, today, I’ll share them with you. More specifically, I’ll share 48 of them, one for every candle on my cake tonight.
Before I do that, though, I want you to know how incredibly grateful I am that you are here, reading these words. When Ellie unexpectedly joined our family in 2021, and I found myself with three little ones under the age of three, I had no idea how I could both care for my children and continue to do the work our budget desperately needed me to do. Meeting deadlines for Catholic institutions and publishers had become impossible. But you helped me find a way.
By becoming a full subscriber to this Substack you made it possible for me to be with my children and for me to both do the writing my family needed me to do and that Chris and I believed God was asking me to do. You’ve also made the growth of this newsletter possible. Almost 10,000 people every week now read the free editions, which you and a relatively small number of others underwrite. That means almost 10,000 people are studying Pope Benedict’s encyclicals and learning more about the Faith. And among those 10,000 people, are men and women who write me weekly, thanking me for them and telling me how much these newsletters have helped them grow in their faith and draw closer to Christ. Those thanks go to you, too. Because without you, this newsletter wouldn’t exist.
So God bless you and keep you and with no further weepy thanks (because I am weeping), here is my mini, mini Masterclass.
48 Things Emily Stimpson Chapman Knows
The only way to make a martini properly cold is to put the glass in the freezer first.
The fun of wearing heels in your twenties and dainty ballet flats in your thirties is not worth the foot pain in your forties.
Freedom can be scary. But we can’t love God without it.
Someone disagreeing with you is not the same thing as someone persecuting you.
Your brokenness doesn’t make you special; it makes you human.
If the Church doesn’t say something is a moral issue, it’s foolish to make it a moral issue.
No one thinks about you as much as you do.
You don’t have to marry your best friend. But marriage is a lot more fun if you do.
It’s spiritually dangerous to be less Catholic than the Church. It’s also spiritually dangerous to be more Catholic than the Church.
Ninety-nine times out of 100, patience and prayer bear more fruit than unsolicited advice.
You can’t kiss your children too much.
When the world is dark and your heart is breaking, the very best place to go is Calvary. The only lasting comfort that exists in this world is to keep company in our hearts with Christ on the cross.
The graces of the sacraments are real. They are powerful. And they heal.
If you want to age gracefully, good skincare matters more than good makeup; good sun protection matters more than good skincare; and a good smile matters more than anything.
You cannot control other people. So don’t even try, Unless you want to be a narcissistic psycho.
Skim milk is an abomination. If God wanted dairy to be fat free, He would have made it that way.
God loves me, even when I don’t love me.
The best defense against demons is not any one prayer; it’s a soul free from mortal sin, a regular prayer life, and frequent reception of Holy Communion.
Beauty is not a nice extra. It’s essential. God thought it so necessary that He wove it into every corner of the world He created. When we weave it into every corner of our world, we are imaging Him. We just can’t make an idol out of it. Beauty exists to serve, not be served.
Everything breaks sometime.
God would rather have us yell at Him than shut Him out. He’s not a big fan of us yelling at Him, but He still prefers it to the silent treatment.
You will never regret the hours you spend holding a sleeping baby.
The most intimate communion we have with God this side of Heaven is when we eat Him.
Your body is not a problem you need to control. It’s a gift you need to care for.
It’s okay to wear a sleeveless shirt in July. Nobody but you cares what your arms look like. And it’s hot.
If you want to find lasting happiness, you have to do what Jesus said to do: “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matt 16:24). There is no other way. All roads to Heaven pass through Calvary.
Few things make kids happier than seeing their parents kiss in the kitchen.
God is not afraid of our questions. There is no doubt too big to bring to Him.
Meat tastes best rare
Sometimes, it's okay to just let people be wrong without telling them you think they're wrong.
Priests and bishops and popes should never be put on pedestals. They are all human. They are all fallible. They will all disappoint. Our faith belongs to Jesus alone. He is the only savior the world will ever get.
Church history is the best antidote for despairing over the state of the Church today. There’s nothing like a deep dive into the reign of the Borgias, a quick survey of the Avignon Papacy and the Great Western Schism, or a lively retelling of the election of Alexander III to remind us that if the Holy Spirit weren’t actually animating the Church, there’s no way she would still exist.
Life is so much easier if you have a sense of humor.
God’s will is more important than other’s expectations.
Faith and reason are never at odds. Both are gifts from God. Both enrich the other.
If you give generously to those in need, without counting the cost, God will always ensure you have enough for what you need, too.
Life is complicated. Everyone is broken. But Jesus is with us always, not just keeping us company in the mess, but also making something beautiful out of it.
You don’t have to be on death’s doorstep to use Natural Family Planning.
One of the best gifts you can give your spouse is to praise them liberally and frequently in front of your children.
It’s not only the Holy Trinity waiting for us in Heaven. It’s also the whole Communion of Saints. Heaven is overflowing with holy men and women who are rooting for us and praying for us and loving us as we journey to Christ. Jesus wants us to love them, too.
Everyone’s walk with Christ is singular and unexpected. Your journey will look like no one else’s. And no one else can tell you what your journey should look like. You have to discern that step by step with God (and your spouse if you have one).
We all need forgiveness. We all need mercy. We all need compassion. And the more we extend that to others, the more it is extended to us.
Children are a gift. Not a choice. Not a mistake. Not a right. A gift.
Trips to Europe are always a good idea.
Mary loves you, even if you don’t love her.
Never compare crosses. Or blessings. The weight of both can only be known by the person carrying them.
The dishes really never will clean themselves.
God knows what He is about. Always. You can trust Him. With everything and everyone. Including yourself.
I suppose I know a few more things than that. But I have a full day of cooking and cleaning, then hosting ahead of me, so I need to send this off. I hope you don’t mind the departure from the usual lengthy reflections. But truth be told, my children are a bit…special…this week, and one or the other of them has been asking for something or crying about something or fighting with another child over something every 8.2 seconds since Easter (I timed it), so my brain has lost its capacity for sustaining any thought longer than that.
Before I go, though, I promised you my menu for tonight. I think we have 30 adults plus some children coming, and I wanted to do a combination of light, springtime appetizers that are all super easy and fast to make (because of aforementioned special children). I have not done a big, big party like this since Becket and Ellie joined us, so I’m sure lots of things will go wrong. But hopefully not the food.
Appetizers
White Bean and Basil Hummus (p. 38 in Around the Catholic Table)
Traditional Hummus and Crudites (Sorry, no recipe, I just make it to taste with Garbanzo beans, tahini, garlic, lemon, and salt)
Rosemary Chicken Salad Bites (Baked Wonton shells filled with the Chicken salad recipe on p. 62 of Around the Catholic Table)
Bacon and Asparagus Galette (Basic Galette crust on p. 168 of Around the Catholic Table, topped with Bacon and Asparagus)
Tomato, Fresh Mozzarella, and Basil Galatte (Same crust, but baked with cherry tomatoes and fresh mozzarella chunks. Fresh basil added after cooking.)
Drinks
Wine
Beer
Assorted Gin Cocktails (Martnis, Aviations, and Euphorias)
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Happy, happy 48th!! Love this list. 11, 22, 26 and 40 resonate. And children are a gift! You are truly blessed. Thank you for sharing the good and no-so-good of it all.
Happy belated birthday, Emily! Really enjoyed reading your list. And I'm amazed you could make all those appetizers with 3 little children around! Good for you!