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Christy Isinger's avatar

I honestly don't fully understand why sex and theology of the body became so warped and just blew up expectations so wildly, but where I've seen it prevalent is in NFP circles, especially NFP circles of people pissed NFP isn't working for them and/or their sex becomes severely limited. Somehow along the line we took on an expectation of theology of the body=great sex, all the time. So when there are those of us who really have to take NFP seriously which results in much less sex it's almost as if our marriages are sub-par because theology of the body said marriage and sex was amazing all the time! The idea that we're also owed tons of sex somehow comes out of that. When speaking about abstinence in marriage in cases of severe need to avoid conception the amount of fear women have about their husbands leaving them, and then the assumption that their marriages will fall apart because sex is so important because theology of the body is really common in very Catholic circles. But nowhere in theology of the body say we're owed sex, or good sex, or sex all the time. It's such a weird extrapolation.

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Laura's avatar

This is so convicting, Emily. I've not read all the original Audiences, but somehow have read enough ToB content to distill it down and form a more holistic understanding of that sacramental worldview. I don’t really know how, my parents never told me anything about it. It must be a result of voracious reading, trying to make sense of being single for longer than I wanted, and trying to understand the clash between the issues of our culture and Catholicism.

I wondered if the transition to married life would be difficult for me (last year), but praise God, it has been so joyfully intimate. Intimacy with God and others is what we’re made for, and that doesn’t depend on having good sex. Intimacy with your spouse improves sex, and I think too many people got the “just wait for it, then sex will be miraculously good” talk like you said. That falls SO short, and I am eternally grateful that somehow I escaped that. We’re now dealing with infertility, so it’s not as if my experience is sunshine and rainbows. It is devastating at times, but my understanding of children as an undeserved gift, marriage as a means of sanctification, and fruitfulness being possible in many ways, makes the burden lighter. I don’t think I would be surviving our struggles nearly as well if I lacked this very deep appreciation of my femininity and personhood. I cannot put into words how much this has changed my life in a good way, and how much I wish more people got this full picture (which I still have so much to learn about!). If we are ever blessed with children, it is so important to me that we gradually communicate this dignity, understanding, and appreciation of the value of every life. The implications are endless, and so is the damage when this piece is missing. It changes everything.

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