I’m sending this out as a free version of my monthly subscription-only newsletter, “Through a Glass Darkly,” due to a number of requests to make some thoughts I wrote in Instagram’s stories today more permanent and sharable.
Yesterday, a few people on either side of the vaccine debate wrote to me saying they could never think the best of people who disagree with them, when they are so obviously wrong/uncaring/oppressive/insensitive.
It’s hard. It really is. If it were easy to think well of people who disagreed with us on fundamental issues or love people who we believe are in the wrong, human history would be a lot less interesting…and less bloody, too.
But man, the anger and the frustration we feel in these situations can be so destructive. Yes, anger can move us to do good and to right wrongs. But there is a reason Saint Paul tells us again and again and again (and again) to let go of our anger. I talk about this in-depth in my book “Letters to Myself from the End of the World,” but it boils down to this: When we let our anger get out ahead of reason and charity, when we let it lead, it wreaks havoc, both in the world and in us.
Someday—God willing, soon—this pandemic will be behind us, and the world will have moved on to fighting about something else. But the habits of mind and heart that we have developed these past many months will stay with us. Habits of love, compassion, and empathy will stay with us. And habits of rash judgement, pride, and detraction will stay with us.
As Christians, we want it to be the former habits and not the latter which linger in our hearts. First, because an inability to have compassion on those who disagree with us and a refusal to see our “enemies” as real, struggling people is the kind of thing that leads to hate, persecution, and actual war. Second, because God is pretty clear about where hardened hearts will land us for all eternity.
You do not want to go where a hardened heart will take you. Trust me on this.
So, what to do? How do we keep our anger from doing more harm than good? How do we find it in ourselves to love people who are thinking or doing or supporting something that we believe is wrong?
Pray Both Sides
Laura Kelly Fanucci (@thismessygrace on Instagram) has done some beautiful reflections on the importance of praying “both sides.” By this, she means praying not just for your own struggles and needs, but also for those with the opposite struggles and needs. So, if you’re struggling with infertility, also pray for those struggling with caring for multiple small children. Or, if you’re struggling with singleness, pray for those struggling with their marriages.
This type of praying is an important spiritual habit. It reminds us that life is hard for everyone and checks the sin of envy in our hearts. It teaches us compassion and empathy. It calls us out of ourselves and our suffering and helps us enter into the suffering of others.
That’s why, if you find your heart full of rage, frustration, or confusion because of those who think and act in a way that you believe is wrong—deadly wrong—I want to encourage you to pray for those people.
And by “pray” I don’t mean pray to change their mind. Nor do I mean pray for a conversion of heart.
I mean pray for the problems of their heart. For their grief. For their fear. For their suffering. For their anxiety. Pray for God to console them and strengthen them. Pray for them to feel understood. Pray for them to feel not alone. Pray for their hearts to be flooded with peace and greater trust. Pray for God to protect them.
And because some of you are truly struggling to understand how anyone can have a different opinion than you on vaccines, I’m going to give you some specific groups of people for whom to pray.
Brothers and Sisters
Before I give you that list, let me clarify that it is not comprehensive. And yes, I am sure people exist who have come to their decision out of ignorance, a lack of compassion, or something far worse. But the more I pay attention to the people on both sides who are the most angry and most heated in their support or opposition to …certain things…the more I see that their opinions have been formed by real grief or real fear or real traumatic experiences, and those people need your prayers way more than they need your judgement.
So, my advice is to pick a group of people and start praying for them. Genuinely. Earnestly. As your brothers and sisters in the Faith. And as you pray, ask God help you too. Ask Him to keep your heart soft, committed to truth but still full of compassion. Because we need both to be the witnesses Christ has called us to be.
(Caveat: If it’s the people in power with whom you are angry, people who you think are disregarding the welfare of their constituents and pandering to their bases or who seem mad hungry for power…well, they need your prayers and love, too. They may need them more than anyone. Because, eternally speaking, what they are doing to their souls by abusing the authority entrusted to them is terrifying. You don’t want to be them.)
But let’s leave politicians out of this for now. And just think about some of the ordinary people out there on either side of the vaccine question with whom we disagree and who need our prayers.
Here are some suggestions about who those people are and for whom you can pray.
If you are raging at people who want you to get the vaccine, pray for…
1. Those with compromised immune systems;
2. Parents of children with compromised immune systems;
3. Parents of high-risk children who can’t get a vaccine;
4. Those who work with sick children or immuno-compromised children;
5. Those who’ve watched their loved ones or little ones struggle with respiratory illnesses in the past;
6. Those who have spent the past 18 months caring for the sickest of the sick;
7. Spouses and children of those who have spent the past 18 months caring for the sickest of the sick;
8. Those who have lost parents, spouses, children, or dear friends to the virus;
9. Those who have watched loved ones fall severely ill or battle Long Covid;
10. Those who themselves are battling Long Covid;
11. Those with anxiety disorders.
And if you are at an absolute loss as to why someone wouldn’t want a vaccine, pray for…
1. Parents of vaccine-injured children;
2. Parents who lost a child after they received a vaccine;
3. Those who have suffered adverse reactions to past vaccines;
4. Those who had an adverse reaction to the Covid vaccine;
5. Those who have witnessed someone close to them have an adverse reaction to a vaccine, Covid or otherwise;
6. Those who have had bad reactions to pharmaceuticals of any kind (and parents of children who have bad reactions to pharmaceuticals of any kind);
7. Those who have been trying desperately to conceive (or not conceive) and fear that the vaccine will interfere with that;
8. Those with clinical anxiety disorders;
9. Historically persecuted peoples whose parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents were lied to by the government and used in medical experiments;
10. Those who have been most hurt by their government’s reaction to Covid and have lost trust in the State;
11. Those who feel they cannot in good conscience benefit from vaccines or pharmaceuticals manufactured using the cells of aborted human persons.
Parting Thoughts
Again, you don’t have to think another person’s reasons are good, sufficient, valid, or even reasonable. You don’t have to think that those reasons (for or against getting the vaccine), trump your own. And I’m not here to argue with anyone about whose reasons are better.
I’m not talking about how you or anyone should feel about the vaccine or what the data says.
I’m talking about the heart, which is far more nuanced and complex than data. I’m talking about trying to understand each other better. I’m talking about trying to enter into another person’s fear or pain or past, so that you can see them, not as the enemy, but as just another man or woman trying to do their best in a confusing, complicated, broken world.
And if it’s other issues besides the vaccines that have you up at night, apply the same process of thought and prayer to that situation. This way of thinking, this way of praying, is not confined to vaccines. You can do it for every issue or disagreement. People don’t hold any of their opinions in a vacuum. There is always more to the story.
I need to wrap this up. But first, let me say one last thing.
I don’t have nearly the confidence in my opinions about the vaccines that many of you have. But what I am confident in is what I said yesterday: contempt makes no converts.
I’m also confident that when the Lord told us to love our enemy, do good to those who hurt us, pray for those who persecute us, and bear wrongs patiently, He was deadly serious. He knows the human heart completely. And He knows what a refusal to do those things does to our hearts. I am going with Him on this one and will be offering up the rest of my day for the good of all those who disagree with me. I pray you do the same.
And to everyone who made it through this novel, you deserve a treat. Choose chocolate.