50 Words of Wisdom for 50 Years of Life
Yes, I am now officially "that" old
Friends, today is my birthday. And not just any birthday. It is my 50th birthday. I turn fifty, today. Fifty. This strikes me as completely wild. I have a six-year-old and two four-year-olds, and somehow, I am now fifty. No wonder I am so tired.
The truth is, though, I am not as excited as I should be. Fifty years is a gift. It’s a gift many people I love were denied. Nevertheless, for reasons I don’t fully understand, today is a day I have been dreading. I haven’t let my friends do anything or plan anything for today. I haven’t let my family do anything or plan anything either. I mostly just wanted to ignore today, to pretend it wasn’t happening. But happening it is. And this morning, I woke up and decided three things.
First, I decided that today’s newsletter, which was supposed to be for subscribers only, would be for everyone. I am so danged blessed to get to do what I do and have people actually read the words I write. It is a tremendous privilege, one which allows me to be a part of your days and lives, and so today’s newsletter is a thank you to all of you for being here.
Second, I decided the essay I had been working on could wait a couple weeks. Instead of a meditation on patience (which will come eventually), I thought it would be fun to look back on some of the writing I have done here and on Instagram these past several years and share with you some of the words I’m most glad to have written. And since 50 is such a big, round number, I decided to select 50 of my favorite quotes for you. Whether are not they really are “words of wisdom” is debatable.
Third, after spending months telling people that there is nothing they can do for me on this birthday, I’ve changed my mind. There is actually something everyone can do. Instead of buying me a birthday drink or a coffee or subscribing to my newsletter, would you consider donating the cost of one cup of coffee or one martini to my children’s school, Hilltop Montessori? It’s a tiny little school, with just 14 families and 32 students, and it depends largely on the kindness of strangers for its existence.
The school’s founders, Tom and Noelle Crowe, started this school seven years ago in our neighborhood, which is one of the poorest in the state of Ohio. Their hope was to make a Montessori education accessible to even the poorest of the neighborhood’s children. And they’re doing that. It’s an amazing school, with all AMI certified guides and Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, and it has helped my children so very much. I truly don’t know what we would do without Hilltop.
The cost of attending Hilltop is about half the national average of a Montessori school, but most families still receive significant amounts of financial aid. This aid doesn’t come from the diocese or the state. Instead, the help comes from the founders sacrificing a great deal to provide that aid and from generous donors, most of whom don’t live in Steubenville.
I know contributing to a school where you don’t have any children is a big ask, but if the Spirit moves you, I would be so grateful if today you could send a drink’s worth of dollars Hilltop’s way. To contribute to them directly click here. (Alternately, if you don’t have Zelle, and want to avoid credit card fees, you can Venmo me @Emily-Chapman-33, and I will give it directly to Tom and Noelle on your behalf) My hope is that today we can raise enough to fully fund one scholarship for one student in need. Thank you!
Now, for those promised 50 “words of wisdom.” I often say that the person who benefits most from my writing is me. God is always teaching me something as I write, and looking over this list, I’m reminded of that … and also of how badly I need to follow my own advice in certain areas still!
Fifty Words of Wisdom for Fifty Years of Life
“Suffering is a mystery. Job couldn’t make sense of it, and neither will you.”
“Children need fairy stories. So do adults.”
“Most people who you invite into your home will never invite you into theirs. Invite them anyway.”
“Everything breaks sometime.”
“Almost everyone looks better in mirrors than we do in pictures.”
“The body was made to be a temple we care for, not an idol we worship.”
“The very hardest things I’ve done, have also been the most beautiful things.”
“Strong men aren’t intimidated by strong women. Weak men are.”
“The more you focus on what’s wrong with the world, the less you will see what is right.”
“Social media is the place where complexity goes to die.”
“None of us are the mothers we thought we’d be.”
“God’s primary concern is not what we accomplish in the world; it’s what He accomplishes in us.”
“There is always grace in the daily duty, whatever that duty might be.”
“We are our brothers’ keepers.”
“Envy can lead you to hell as quickly as any tarot card.”
“It’s hard to remain an atheist in a garden.”
“There is not one fire for the Christian who desires God. There is fire after fire after fire.”
“Marrying your best friend in real life is a million times better than reading about someone marrying their best friend in a book.”
“We’re all grieving something.”
“You will never find the good where you’re going. if you can’t first find it where you are.”
“Perfection only exists in pictures.”
“To keep out faith in this fallen world, it’s not enough to know that Jesus is God. We also have to know that we are not God.”
“If you want to know Jesus better, pray the Rosary.”
“Transformation takes time. Grace is not a fast-acting formula.”
“In the end, joy, not loss, will have the last word.”
“Attraction is important. Romance is fun. But goodness is what enables attraction and romance to endure.”
“I’m not a brand. Neither are you. We are persons, not cereal boxes.”
“Contempt makes no converts.”:
“Every child is the image of God. And every death we die for them is a step along the road to life.”
“Your body is a gift. But it’s a gift meant to be expended, not preserved. Cling to it desperately, and you will lose it. Hold it loosely, and one day you will see it transformed, shining like the sun.”
“Nothing is ordinary. Nothing is unimportant. It’s all—every bit of it—part of the cosmic liturgy of redemption.”
“God delights in all that is really and truly you. Don’t deny Him that delight by chasing a happiness that isn’t real or following a path that isn’t the one to which He’s calling you.”
“Our refusal to be anything less than who God made us to be is a blow to Satan.”
“Most of us don’t need to look into the demonic world to find the source of our struggle with sin. We just need to look in the mirror.”
“Fear of hell can have its place in a person’s conversion. But fear won’t make you a saint. Only love and grace will do that.”
“Few things are as destructive to marital love as performative sex—playing a role, faking pleasure, faking desire, keeping difficulties with sex from your spouse. Like contraception, it makes the language of the body a lie.”
“Every act of domestic service, done with love, can help create a home suffused with love. But you can take away the jars of homemade jam and still have a happy home. You can’t take away you and say the same.”
“When I was single, I did what I wanted when I wanted. Which the world says is good. But it’s not good. It’s convenient. What’s good is to love. And love makes life messy.”
“God permits nothing He cannot use. What looks messy to us looks purposeful and straightforward to Him.”
“In marriage, there is more freedom than law.”
“Without a recognition that we cannot do it all, that we were not made to do it all, and that we don’t need to do it all, we cannot love the people God has asked us to love and be the mother He has called us to be.”
“Satan blinds us to the beauty of our own life with false ideas about the beauty of other lives.”
“The Catholic Church isn’t a Church of rules. It’s a Church of freedom.”
“Truth is simple. But life is complicated.”
“Catholicism is not a product. It’s not Coke-a-Cola, with Original Coke, Caffeine Free Coke, Diet Coke, and New Coke. It is the Church. The one Jesus established. It’s His Body. It’s His Bride. It doesn’t come in different flavors or brands.”
The labels we affix to our Catholicism become, in a way, our attempt to escape the mess, to walk a little apart from the ragtag parade of fallen humanity who find their home in the Church, and make sure that others know we’re the right sort of Catholic, not the wrong sort. And that’s the lie. For the truth is, we are the wrong sort. All of us are.”
“We are not our preferences. We are the Lord’s. Our relationship with Him is what is supposed to define us.”
“Humans tend to prefer law over grace. We want a shortcut to holiness. The Christian freedom God gives us seems fraught with danger, and following layers of man made rules can feel safer. But rules are never surer than grace.”
“In the end, the love of a thing will always carry you further than the hate of a thing.”
“The devil is real and he wants you. Don’t doubt that. But also don’t doubt that God wants you more. He wants all of us more. Hold fast to that truth. Hold fast to that love. It’s the most real thing in the universe. And the most powerful, too.”
Thanks again, friends, for being here. When I look back on the past few decades, all of it is a surprise. Nothing has unfolded as expected. I did in my forties what I wanted (and expected) to be doing in my twenties. But God knows best, and His reordering of my life is a great gift. I got to build my faith and my worldview in my twenties. I got to build my writing career in my thirties. And I got to build my family in my forties. I only hope He lets me spend my fifties loving my husband and continuing to build a foundation for my children. Each day really is an amazing gift. Even if the exact number of days that I have been granted feels like a surprisingly high number right now!
Travel to Italy with My Family This Christmas
If you are discerning coming on pilgrimage with my family this December 26-January 4, I am praying for you! The pilgrimage is over half full, but there is still plenty of room for you (and your spouse or kids or friends). We’ll be spending the last days of this Jubilee Year in Rome, soaking up all the graces of Jubilee at Christmas. I’m still unpacking all the graces of our last pilgrimage and treasuring the friendships we made, so I can’t wait to see what God has in store for our group this time around! Please reach out if you have any questions.
Facing 80 myself and wondering how that ever happened, I can sympathize somewhat. Fifty was when I was young. May God as much as he has blessed me.
Happy birthday, Emily! My four year old recently blurted out "I love you" to someone when he meant to say "thank you" (he was very emotionally overwhelmed) and I sort of feel like that every time I read your writing. It's a gift.
Also, I can't tell you how encouraging this is: "I did in my forties what I wanted (and expected) to be doing in my twenties."
And ouch, I needed this: “Envy can lead you to hell as quickly as any tarot card.”
Thank you for the beauty, sanity, and insight you bring to the Catholic online world.